Heartache On The Big Screen

4

Chapter four
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No matter how devastating our struggles, disappointments, and troubles are, lagi kong iniisip na they are only temporary.

Wala na kong ibang ginawa kundi iyakan ng iyakan si Jaye. Napapagod na ko. Gustong gusto ko na matigil yung kahibangan ko. God. Please.

"Here,"

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at hinayaan ko lang na lagyan niya ako ng jacket sa balikat ko, Nandito kami sa may veranda ko, nakatitig lang kami sa sky ng tahimik.

I really hate it kapag nakikita akong umiiyak ni Aris. Lagi nalang niya akong pinapatahan, everytime na may masamang nangyayare or everytime na nalulungkot ako, siya lagi yung nandito para sakin. Pakiramdam ko pabigat lang ako sa kaniya, na lagi niya kong kaylangan alagaan, at icomfort. I know thats what friends are for. Pero parang nahihiya na ko sa kaniya.. I really have nothing to offer to him, he has everything, while me.. ang dami kong troubles sa buhay.

"Thank you," I forced a smile.

"I hate seeing you like this." He said. I saw pain across his eyes, gusto kong saktan sarili ko. As much as I want him to stay out of my problems, siya kasi yung gustong mainvolved. He really cares for me...

"I'll get over it." I convinced myself.

Its been 11 months... Magiisang taon nang wala sakin si Jaye pero walang usad yung feelings ko, hindi talaga mawala wala yung nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. Nafufrustrate ako.

"Let me help you."

I looked at him. "What? How?" I really did everything I could to remove him from my life.. I burned all his love letters and gifts to me. I've followed everything in '10 ways to forget your ex boyfriend' book. I've took a vacation with Aris in Beijing for a month. I've drifted all my attention in other things for the past few months. Until last week. Shit happens.

"Use me. Gamitin mo ko para makamove on. I don't care. As long as makakalimutan mo yung gagong yun." He was serious. Lumapit siya sakin then he cupped both of my cheeks. "I don't want to see you cry."

I stared at him for a minute to see if hes kidding or not.

I don't want to cry. Hindi naman nakakaenjoy na gabi gabi bago ako matulog, ginawa ko na atang ritwal yung iyakin si Jaye para makalimot. Pero wala naman nangyare.

"You have no idea kung gaano ko kagusto mo mag move on. I did everything. Pero hinding hindi ko magagawa ang gumamit ng ibang tao Aris. Especially you, I can't risk you and I can't lose you too." Everything I said is true. He keeps me sane. Kung wala siya, siguro matagal na kong sumunod sa parents ko dahil sa sobrang daming problema.

"You deserve better Barbie," his sad eyes pierced into mine. "Someone like me."

Napaawang ang labi ko sa marinig ko at mabilis na umiling. "Aris—"

"Please, if you give me a chance I'll prove it to you that I'm not like the others. I promise not to hurt you, and leave you like he did. I can make you happy..." He paused.

I don't know how to react with his sudden confession. Part of me, was scared. Because we're friends, ayoko masira ang friendship namin. Part of me was happy, cause its been awhile since I feel loved. Nakalimutan ko na kung ano ang pakiramdam, ang sarap pala talaga.

"Aris... why are you doing this?" Tanong ko.

Siguro, naaawa lang siya sa akin kaya niya sinasabi ang mga ito. Siguro napapagod na siya makita akong umiiyak kaya para matahimik ako, sarili niya nalang ang ioffer niya.