How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

The Cruise

John should've known that a free ticket for a cruise to the Bahamas was too good to be true.  Not only did he get put in third class instead of first like the ticket had promised, but now the ship was out of gas in the middle of the ocean.

They'd been stuck for ten hours, and John was getting thoroughly sick of screaming children and panicky people. 

Suddenly a loud foghorn blew.

"Finally!" John exclaimed.  Their rescue ship had arrived.  It was heading towards them.  Everybody on the cruise ship began waving and cheering.

Then, without warning, a pair of massive jaws arose from beneath the rescue ship and snapped it up.

"Argh!" shouted a bearded crewman.  "It be the Terrible Sea Beast of These Here Waters!"  Then he added proudly to the woman next to him, "I came up with that name meself."

Then the head of the sea dragon rose out of the water.

"I am so sorry," the dragon apologized.  "I thought that boat was a whale, honestly.  I'm going to have terrible indigestion now.  Does anyone have Tums?  Or maybe some Pepto Bismol?"