How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

How to Use a Pencil Sharpener

Welcome to Pencil Sharpening 101.  In this five step course you will be given the basics of how to use a manual pencil sharpener.

Step 1:  Pick up your pencil and stand up.  Take a moment to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and focus on what you are about to do.

Step 2:  Locate the pencil sharpener and make a mental map of how to reach your destination.  Use your finger to trace the path you have chosen in the air.

Step 3:  Before you take your first step, let's take some safety precautions.  Clench the pencil in your hand, make sure it is parallel to the ground, and hold your arm out directly in front of you.  That way if you fall the pencil will not go into your eye.  Now follow the path you have chosen to the pencil sharpener (see Walking 101 for more details).

Step 4:  Now you must insert your pencil into the hole.  Make sure not to put the eraser end in first, as that is a common mistake. 

Step 5:  Hold the end of the pencil firmly in one hand and grasp the crank with the other.  Without letting the pencil move, turn the crank.  It should make a loud noise, so try not to be startled.  Continue cranking until your pencil is at the desired level of sharpness.