Just A Friend?

[47]: His Confessions (ASH BONUS)

"What do you want to happen?" She asks me quietly

"I'm not sure, but I don't want anything between us to change. I love our playful friendship and I love how we tell each other everything. I'm scared if we went further that would change."

"I get that, I've thought about that as well. But what if it didn't; what if it made everything better? What if we could have our friendship exactly how it is included in a relationship?" She says looking up at me, god looking into her eyes I could agree to almost anything.

A knot built up in my stomach and a wash of fear ran over my body. What if we ruined everything we had just for a quick shag and a try at a relationship? What if I woke up to her and felt nothing like I do with all the other girls, there would be no looking back after that. Our friendship would be over.

"What if we ruin everything? Do you want to risk it though?" I whispered. I didn't want anything to change; I wanted to keep what we had now. It was fun, reliable, safe. I could trust her, I trusted her more than anyone else in my life.

She never answered my question though. I could see her mulling things over in her head, this was a big deal. Did she not want to risk us either?

Our friendship means everything to me, I honestly don't know what I'd do if she wasn't in my life. She's always been there, for as long as I can remember she's been there. When times have gotten tough, she's been my rock and held my hand. She's always been my number one girl, and even when we argue I know we will fix things. Our arguments never last that long anyway; I can never stay mad at her and she never seems to be able to stay mad at me either.

I know I don't have to worry about us not being attracted to one another, we have incredible chemistry and the attraction between us is definitely there. And I know the sex between us would be amazing, more than that probably. But what if sex ruined everything?

I couldn't lose her.

She meant too much to me to ever lose her.

What if I was an idiot and messed everything up between us?

My phone rang in my hand, breaking me out of my internal battle of whether or not risking everything that mine and Lyd's friendship was based on, would be worth it.

"Hang onto that thought, one second Lou, Tina's ringing me again." I say huffing to Lyd who still looked as scared as I was about this whole situation. We seriously had to talk.

"Hey..."

"Hey Ash,"

"You okay?"

"I'm good, I spoke to Lydia earlier."

"Yea she just told me"

"She's still really mad at me."

"Well you can't blame her there." I say and I heard her sigh.

"Yea I know, I guess I've got some major making up to do."

"Yea you have, she's not going to make it easy on you."

"I know, but I at least want to try. Are you free in a bit, about three-ish, can I come round?"

"Yea you can come round, we can talk, I'm not doing anything important."

"Okay great, I just want to clear the air and speak to you about something."

We spoke for a little while longer, and she apologised some more before she wrapped it up.

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you later then."