Beasts of The North

Chapter Seven

"I'm leaving."

"One more time?"

"Oh come on, Giselle, this is the 5th time I've said it. I know it's not what you expected to hear when I came to talk but don't make me say it again."

He was right. I didn't expect this from him at all. I couldn't believe it. I know that I was struggling with my feelings but I didn't consider that a fair reason to just leave. He promised me that he would give me a reason to howl at the moon, and although I wanted to do it in my own time that didn't mean I wanted him to leave. He made me feel safe and secure. I felt at home with him even though I barely knew him. What would become of me if he were to go? There was just something inside of me that was screaming at his statement. I didn't know what to do, so I became angry.

"I'm just having a bit of difficulty processing the fact that you're leaving the 'love of your life' and 'soulmate' defenseless in the middle of a war in which she's the target? I know I haven't been the most welcoming but I can't have been so bad that I deserve this. This is just a lot to process all at once, but that doesn't mean I'm not trying. I don't think it's fair to just give up when all I'm asking for is a little bit of extra effort. I know wolves aren't exactly used to that but you gotta understand that I'm not a wo-"

"No wait, Giselle, stop." He interrupted me but quickly grabbed my flailing arms and pulled them down to my sides, pulling me closer to him in the process. "I'm not leaving you. I am leaving, but not you. I did hear what you said back there with Hemanth but that's not what's happening. I made this decision while I was running and my wolf was in control. In truth, what you said only solidified the choice that I made, as well as what I did while my instincts were guiding me."

He paused in an effort to allow me to speak, but I wasn't in the mood to talk. I was irritated at the choices he had made on his own. I knew that I wouldn't be sensible with my words and feared I would lash out from the pain I was feeling at the thought of his departure. He still stood there silently, expecting me to say something, but I tapped my foot impatiently. His eyes widened slightly before he spoke.

"When Lowell came after you in your dream I was terrified. I realized that all this time he had the upper hand and I was just a little pawn in his big plans. I can't stop him on my own and I've been kidding myself thinking that I could. We are losing countless lives just to keep things even. My pride has kept me from asking for help from my allies but after seeing your fear and being fearful for you today I threw away that pride. We need help and the only other pack I can get to without crossing Lowell's territory is up north. I'm going to travel and meet with the Alpha of the Alaskan Territories. This is too serious of a matter to be discussed by letter. I'm going to be gone a while, so we'll have to write. This sounds like something that you need, coincidentally. You need time, Ellie, to get used to the new world at your feet. You need to train, fight, and learn to defend yourself so that you can become one with your new self and so you can become the Luna I know you can be. The one who will teach the women of this pack how to be their own person. I think this will be good for us. It hurts me to imagine not being besides you, but it would hurt me even more if I did something to ruin us before we even had a chance. We can get to know each other nice and slow while we write, and maybe I can make you fall in love with me in a more human way."

"I don't know how I can be mad at that. You certainly make it difficult. I do think that some of your decision stems from fear, fear that you can't control yourself around me. I think that instead of trying to exercise that control it's easier to leave."

"You're right, in a way. It's hard." He sighed solemnly and nodded. "My sensibilities go out the window with you. I want nothing more than to know every part of you but you don't want me. That hurts my inner wolf. I haven't honestly ever heard of one mate not being in sync with another and I understand that's because of our differences but it makes it difficult. As an Alpha wolf my instincts are harder to ignore and that doesn't mean that I don't have control over them but that they're always on my mind. There's a lot of reasons why I want to leave and I don't want to give you just empty words. I need to learn better control over myself and not being around you will help. It will make me a stronger wolf, Alpha, and mate. The main goal is to find allies to help us win this war, but that's not the only reason I want to do this. I hope you understand."