Start Again (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 7 - Acceptance

Chapter 7

The car ride was awkwardly silent. I just looked out the window because of what happened. To be honest, I’m really scared about Russell. I feel that he’s going to kill me tomorrow, but hopefully not. I was on the verge of tears, but I didn’t want to cry in front of Justin. He might judge me or something. I know that he’s nice, but I still can’t shrug of the feeling that he might judge me. Speaking of Justin, I wonder why he’s quiet? He usually constantly talks, but he’s not speaking for some reason. For a second, I look at him as he was driving. In an instant, he stared back at me as well. I looked into his blue eyes that was like a raging storm. Wait, why do I feel all tingly inside?

“Am I in love?” I asked myself, and then it hit me.

“Look at the road, dumbass! We can get killed!” I shouted at him.

I startled him and he started to lose control of the steering wheel, but immediately recovered. I looked at the road and my hand was on the handle of the door and on the gear selector. I was breathing heavily and then I looked at him and said, “I have dreams too, you know?”

He smiled and replied, “Well, sorry.”

There was something different about him. He was going red and he was… blushing? I started to look back at the window without releasing my hands from the gear selector and door because I was still in a state of shock. We stopped because it was still a red light when he tried to place his hand on the selector but instead of holding it, he accidentally held my hand. Oddly, I wanted to let my hand stay there but out of reflex, I withdrew my hand and looked out.

“Sorry.” I said.

“No problem.”

I hesitated at first, but I can’t help but to look at him. His face was becoming redder. I started blushing as well, so I just went back to daydream. I tried so hard to not give a damn that I didn’t notice that we were already at the front of my house.

“Thanks for driving me home.” I said while grabbing my bag and getting of the car.

He just nodded at me. For some reason, I felt disappointed. I wanted to punch the hell out of him, but I tried to stop myself. I just went in through the front door and immediately ran down to my room and put my face on my pillow. I was still blushing and I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to fall in love with another guy after being in a tragic relationship. I was really scared.

                Back at home, I really loved my ex. He was really sweet to me and he always tried to look cute whenever I feel down because I knew that I had to leave. We would go out to the mall and we would always hold hands. We didn’t care about anything else in the world but ourselves. It seems selfish, but at first I didn’t notice it. I was so into our relationship that I really didn’t care. Every time he sleeps over, whoever wakes up first would kiss the other’s forehead and whisper “Good morning. I love you.” Everything was going fine until it was the last week before I left.

He wanted to go to my house so we could talk for one last time before my departure. I thought that he would say that he will always love me and that he would wait for me forever, but I was wrong. He told me that he already had another one and I was only used to cheat on his boyfriend because he wasn’t satisfied with him. I was just a side hoe. I wanted to punch him and beat him up for what he did, but I couldn’t. I loved him too much that I couldn’t possibly hurt him even though what he did was ten times as hurtful. I just cried as he left me there on my bed. He blocked all possible communication and that’s when I realized how selfish our love was. I could’ve spent the extra time with my friends before I leave them for a long time instead of being someone’s other.