elysian

7 - you are not a burden

everyone seems so somber today. did i do something?

i want you to pause that thought, right there. breathe.

that's anxiety talking. that's not logic. and right now, when it's late at night and you know your emotions are about to go haywire, you need logic to be speaking louder than ever.

so, logically, think about this.

everyone seems somber today.

well, it was pretty cloudy today. it rained half the day before the sun tried its hardest to shove the clouds to the side, but in vain. we're used to sunshine, and lots of it, down here. it's not uncommon for rainy weather to cause the community to feel a little more sad or tired than usual.

also, a lot has been going on in the world. hurricanes, forest fires, bombings, ambush attacks, terrorist attacks, and so on. you are not the only one who worries, hun.

and as Neil Hilborn so eloquently writes, "i'm not saying that to say you aren't special, i'm saying that to say thank god you aren't special."

and! you know this better than anyone that sometimes people need some alone time. you, as a raging introvert, know this. you know it subconsciously, but i need you to start remembering it consciously.

and who knows, maybe something happened in their family. or with a friend. if you think you haven't done anything, you probably haven't done anything. you're the most self-aware (sometimes hyper-aware) person i know. you criticize every single thing you do. you think about every movement you make and you overthink about every sentence you said.

you would know if you hurt somebody. trust me. you would feel it the second it hit.

and if you still aren't sure, ask your friends if they're okay! you don't have to directly ask them if you did anything, you can just simply check up on them. they'll appreciate it for sure, and maybe they'll tell you the real reason their upset.

and hey, if it is you (even though 9/10 times it usually isn't), then work it out! we are humans and we are flawed. we make mistakes and say things that others might interpret as something completely different from what we were trying to convey. and that's fine. misunderstanding is another part of being human.

so breathe, hun. you are okay. they are not mad you in particular.

you are not the downfall of everyone's mood all at once. i promise you.

so stop listening to that demon we know as anxiety, and listen to logic. logic is there to help you. logic will tell you the truth, even if sometimes it hurts.

listen to the facts.

and the fact is, you are doing fine. you are not a burden on other people. you are not the cause of everyone being sad or wanting some alone time. you are enough.