Taped Broken Heart

Chapter one (mental or physical?)

                                                                                   Bethany's POV

Love, it's a lie. There's no such thing as love when it comes to me. I may look like i'm loved but that's what they want you to think. That they didn't break me piece-by-piece, tear-by-tear, or inch-by-inch. Each family is different, mine, it's based on hatred. Hatred towards the person that had ruined their perfect simple lives. That person, well that's me.

Growing up you're always told that love is the greatest thing that you can experience. That you are loved, that you will never not be loved. Me, I never got told that, instead it was always I hate you or I should have just gotten rid of you before you were born. Love is something I've never known, nor will I ever know. I don't deserve love, I'm too broken.

Broken, it's second nature to me. I have scars, scars that you can and can't see. Scars that no one can ever know about or ever see. Scars that are with me from within, they will never go away, only taped up to not be completely open. I'm fragile but strong, my body, it's a canvas for his use and only his use. My heart, my mind, and my soul is her toy. The toy that she can easily break. I'm just a shell of a person, hard on the outside but empty on the inside. Walls have been built up over the years, walls that will never come down. It's my only source of protection.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I need to vent, vent out my problems because I've been holding them in for almost 15 years now. There still in my head though, because this is just my thoughts. Thoughts that are being thought out loud within my head like I'm actually talking to someone. If I don't I might go even more crazy, not having anyone to talk to is the worst part. You feel more alone, more worthless.

I'm Bethany, Bethany Mathews, I live in a small town called Baymell, North Carolina. It's so small that we only have one high school for the whole county. We live on the coast of North Carolina in a waterfront house. It's a white two story house with black shutters. I've lived here my whole life of almost 17 years. Baymell is the only place that I've ever known, and the only place I will ever know.

Knowing that you are stuck in a place of hell when it should be your safe haven is what destroys a person. I see all of these families, happy families and all I can do is think. Think that I wish I had that, but then I realize that I don't deserve it. I don't deserve the perfect family, friends, or even the perfect body. I'm just not good enough for any of that. I'm a nobody, a nobody in a broken home with a broken family.

It wasn't always like this. I used to be loved, I used to know what it was; but he died. My only safe haven died by the hands of my own mother and her perfect abusing boyfriend. My mom never loved my father, always thought he was too soft; because he would always take care of me. She hated that my father loved me, hated that he cared so much for me that he would do anything to not make me cry. That was a long time ago, he died when I was 6.

I don't remember much about him, just that I knew he cared. That he would take me to the park when mommy was mad, or to go get icecream when mommy would hurt me. He wanted to leave, but he didn't want me to live without a mother. The reality of it is, I never had a mother. She may have given birth to me, but she never wanted me. My dad begged her to keep me, said he would take care of me and she wouldn't have to do anything. I wish she just got rid of me though, because now I have no one, my own mother still hates me and my stepdad just uses me.

They killed him, he's dead. I watched it happen. She said to me "This is all your fault, if I didn't listen to him and never had you, we would still be happy and he would still be alive." she said this while he was bleeding all over the grey and white carpet in my bedroom. He was standing over his body, that man, that devil helped kill my father and made me watch. Jason, the man of my nightmares, the man who taunts me in front of my own mother. The man that uses my body for his enjoyment, for his canvas.

Jason used to be nice to me, he was my dad's best friend; but he betrayed his own best friend by killing him. The demon even did it with a smile on his face while watching my own dad go to the ground with his eyes so wide from surprise and blood pouring from his mouth. My dad was choking on his own blood while they watched and I screamed because I couldn't do anything to help him. It was my fault, I couldn't save him.

I miss him, I miss the way my life used to feel, Protected. Now I just sit on the end of my bed crying or watching. Watching my neighbor and his perfect happy family. He's always so loving to his little sister, but he never notices me. We've been neighbors our whole lives, we have the same classes together, and I still don't exist. My room is on the second floor right across from his room. I can see how happy he is, how kind and loving his mother is to him, how protective he is of his little sister. All I can think of is my own enviousness towards him for being loved and cared for.

I may not have anyone in the sense of family, but I do have someone. my best friend, we usually hangout on Friday's during the football games. that's the only time I can hang out with him without getting in ctrouble. Without my best friend I don't even think that I would be here today.

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The girl at the top....... Bethany Mathews

So this is my first book as you can see :). If you hate it. Cool good for you and thnx for the view. If you don't hate it. Well thnx.