Unveiling Truth

Chapter 15

He wasn't disappointed when I had the baby because he knows it isn't my fault. Pero ngayon ay galit na galit siya dahil kasalanan ko ito.

Iyak lamang ako ng iyak. Imagine the agony of a mother that had lost her baby because she's a careless bitch. Mas inuna ko pang suyuin si Alvin kaysa alagaan ang sarili ko. I knew I was pregnant pero gano'n ang ginawa ko.

Kahit ako man ay nagagalit sa sarili ko. Galit na galit ako sa sarili ko.

Imagine the depression and agony I experienced. I lost Alvin, my baby... my father was angry at me...

Akala ko nang mga panahong iyon ay mamamatay na ako sa lungkot at hinagpis. Wala na akong plano pang mabuhay. Wala na sana talaga, kung hindi ko lamang alam na malaking kasalanan ang pagkitil ng sariling buhay.

Imagine the nightmares I had every night. Imagine the tears I shed every morning and night. Imagine the loneliness and sorrow...

I was lonely and I had no one. Ang nagiisang pamilya ko na si daddy ay galit sa akin. Galit siya sa nangyari. Hindi ba niya alam na mas galit ako sa sarili ko?

And then one night, I decided to go out. I decided to forget the pain. I went out in a bar. This is where I met Precious.

"Miss, ano ba! Dahan dahan naman." Pagewang gewang ang lakad ko kaya natamaan ko siya.

Tumawa ako. Nababaliw na kasi ako. "Pasensiya na. You can kill me now if you want." At muli ay tumawa ako.

Umiling lang siya pero hindi siya umalis. Hinayaan lang niya akong tumawa habang umiiyak.

Bumuntung hininga siya. "Halika nga. Baka mamaya magpakamatay ka at ako pa ang maging prime suspect dahil ako ang huli mong kasama."

Iniupo niya ako sa isang couch. Hindi na siya uminom bagkus ay binantayan ako buong gabi.

Nagising ako kinaumagahan na nasa kaniyang condo na ako. I was dressed neatly. Paglabas ko ay nagluluto siya ng sinangag, hotdog at ham. Pinagtimpla niya rin ako ng kape.

"Why are you doing this?" Tanong ko rito.

She raised her brow. "Di ba pwedeng pasalamat ka na lang?" Sarkastiko niyang wika.

"Thank you." Mahina kong sambit.

"You think I'll let you alone after hearing you story last night? Tsaka sabi ko nga, baka magpakamatay ka pa diyan at ako ang maging suspect no. Prevention is better than cure." Naghain na siya at nagsimulang kumain.

"What is your name?" Tanong ko. She's a total stranger to me.

"I am Precious Narvasa. You are?"

"Gabourey Klein."

Tumango ito at patuloy na kumain. "You know, if you think you can't handle you problems right now, think of what will make you the happiest."

Umiling ako. "Paano kung wala ng makakapagpasaya sa akin ngayon? What if I lost every reason to be happy?"

She looks at me disapprovingly. "That's impossible!" Ibinaba niya ang hawak na kutsara. "You will only find happiness if you search for it. Hindi naman lalapit sayo ng kusa ang kaligayahan mo. You must earn it. Marami pang bagay diyan ang makakapagpasaya sayo, trust me."

"Hindi na siguro. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. I assume you already know what happened..."

Tumango ito. "Yes. You were so drunk that you told me even your dirty little secret. Hindi ko rin alam ang gagawin ko kung ako ang nasa posisyon mo. Kaya nga heto at ito lang ang tanging maipapayo ko: cheer up!"

"Hindi mo kasi maintindihan..." Sabi ko.

Ngumiwi siya. "Today, some people might be fighting for their lives. Their families were probably praying so hard for them. Our soldiers were in a battle that may put their lives at stake. You see? You're lucky you're still alive. Habang may buhay, may pagasa."

Sinubukan kong sumubo ng pagkain pero kay hirap lunukin. Parang may malaking bara rito. Ang hirap at gusto ko na lamang umiyak nang umiyak.

"There is always a reason why we still live. Try looking at the bigger picture. You have so many things to be thankful for. One day, you'll look back on this day and thank the heavens for making you stronger. This will only make you stronger." Her words of wisdom melted my heart.

Precious was really precious for me. She was there when I had no one to go to. And she was right.  She was right about everything.

Malaki pa rin ang paniniwala ko na makakaya ko ring lagpasan ito. That there is a rainbow after the rain.

Pero ang hirap lang kasi e. Ang hirap hanapin nung kaligayahang yun. Akala ko kasi nahanap ko na.

"Hey," bumalik ako sa realidad nang tinapik ni daddy ang balikat ko.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. Yes, I still have a reason to live. And that is to be with my dad and take care of him. Kahit ito muna sa ngayon ang rason ko para sumaya at mabuhay, panghahawakan ko.