Dear Alex A.

Chapter 40

I planted my butt in the snow at least 5 yards away from the porch steps. I could hear him fine from here. His lips pursed and he kept wringing his hands together. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked nervous. He's probably irritated with the attitude I gave him earlier. But even from this distance, those emeralds danced with uncertainty and excitement. As annoyed as I was with my mate, I don't think I'd ever get over those crystal clear gems. The hidden depths they held were mesmerizing. But I was still itching for a fight...

"Can you please not look at me like that?" The chocolate-haired boy practically begged. I hadn't noticed how long his hair had grown these past few weeks. It's been months since the day I first laid eyes on him. I thought he was hot then, and now that I know what he's capable of....

No! Now's not the time! I mentally slapped myself, stopping from continuing down that road. We were supposed to be having a serious conversation! By the light chuckle he released, I knew Luke had an idea of where my thought had been. He sat his perfectly shaped a....he sat himself on the last step, his hands clasped in between his knees.

Why are wolves so freaking horny all the time?!

Luke burst out laughing, unable to hide the blush creeping up his neck, "It's just how we're made."

"I did not just....damn it!"

"You have a lovely habit of doing just that." My mate added, collecting himself. "I'm sorry though." His eyes were sincere and a faint smile remained on his lips making me all the more confused. "I shouldn't have shut you out after I woke up. They told me you stayed by my side the whole time. I won't lie, I felt proud of you. Well no, proud isn't the word...Wait, I mean I am proud of you but....damn it!" Luke ran his fingers through his hair, his calm demeanor beginning to unravel into an awkward mess. "What I'm trying to say is, I felt happy to know that my mate was watching over me this whole time. And it wasn't fair to you, what I did." I nodded slowly, not wanting to interrupt.

"While I was unconscious, I regained some of my memories. I'm sure it was a majority of them. When I was fighting that witch, a spirit came to help us. He was actually the first spirit I had ever made contact with. I wanted to see if in fact it was him, and if I would be able to really connect with him. I was excited and anxious to reconnect with someone positive from my past. That's why I did it. Doesn't necessarily make it right, but I wanted you to at least know the reason."

Our silence hung in the air for what seemed like hours, but I had to put him at ease,

"I accept your apology."  I shifted back into my boots and made my way to him. "I get it, I really do. If I had the chance to reconnect with Manuel....let's just say you'd probably be equally ignored."

"Speaking of Manuel... I actually did get in touch with him." My blood froze in my veins. Ohhh if this boy thinks he can play with my emotions right now, he has another thing coming... Luke brought his right hand to his temple with only his index and middle finger pointing, then gave me a subtle salute. I shook my head, my eyes already burning with tears. "He's a very persistent man, refused to be ignored." This wasn't ok. There are a few things Luke can get away with but he better not dare-

"Shut up."

"He says you never did have a good grasp on your emotions, but still, you were right as you needed to be when the time called for it."

"Luke, I'm warning you..."

"Chaparra?" I dropped to my knees, a sobbing mess. Only Manuel could call me that. My heart felt torn and mangled at the reminder that I can't hear him call me that ever again. Luke's arms guided me to his warmth, off of the snow. He patted down my hair and let me cry, I knew he felt the sorrow as if it were his own. With each shudder, my mate held me tighter. "Ssshhh....it's ok. He says it's ok."