non-binary → phan (on hold)

12. dismal departure

tae's hands gripped onto my shirt again, twisting the fabric between his slim fingers, shaky breaths hitting my back. "dan, please, i want everyone to stop being sad so we can do happy things." 

"i don't want to do happy things without billie," i mumbled against phil's chest. i took my head away to face phil. "she was my only friend for a good year, i can't just forget her like that and pretend everything is okay even though she just left." 

"you still have memories that you've made with her." phil's lip curled up a bit in a small smile. "there's plenty more memories to make. you don't have to move on entirely, but you have to be able to move on just enough to make new memories. you're not forgetting her. you're just living. as much as you probably wish you could, there was no way either one of you could've prevented this really, so i doubt she'll be mad at you if you do move on." 

i closed my eyes tightly. my sobbing had stopped, but my eyes were still wet from the unshed tears. i planned on saving those for later. "come on," i said, shuffling my feet so that i was facing tae, who had lost his grip on my shirt once again, and zoe, who was clinging onto alfie's arm. "let's just go." 

zoe rubbed her bloodshot eyes, mascara becoming terribly smudged around her eyelids. "i say we go out to lunch and then go see a movie. can we get pizza? i'm really craving pizza right now." 

"sure thing." i looked down to tae. "can i give you a piggyback ride? i normally always carry billie places but i can't do that now, and i would ask phil but i tried that once and we both fell over." 

tae nodded, running behind me and wrapping his arms loosely around my neck before jumping onto my back. he was a high jumper, landing his pelvis right in between my shoulder blades, his chest sliding from my back and up to the back of my head. i stumbled, quickly regaining my balance. he was light and warm and his hands were soft as they rested on the sides of my face.

he removed one of his hands from my cheeks, pointing a skinny index finger to where we had come from. "pizza! let's go." 

i smiled and followed the others to the exit.

⌲

tae clutched the cardboard box of leftover pizza in his hands, leaning lazily against connor's side. zoe and alfie bickered about what movie to watch, which theater would cost less, and what snacks would be cheapest but also the best tasting. i walked behind all of them, phil practically skipping beside me.

"i'm so excited!" he cheered. "i haven't seen a movie since two months ago. do you think they'll pick a horror film? i hope not. i want it to be a rom-com. or just a comedy. or a romance, but nothing too angsty. maybe-" 

"phil." i put my hand on his arm, fingers wrapping around it. "calm down. alfie and zoe are picking and you're stuck with whatever choice they make." 

phil stopped, turning to face me. "will you sit next to me-"

"look who we have here! a faggot trying to convince pretty boy to have sex with him." i turned to face a guy, who looked to be in his teens, standing with his arms crossed. a small group of boys stood behind him. the topic wasn't funny, but his friends laughed like hyenas anyway.

two small hands pushed me gently back, tae turning to look at me with an expression that told me he could handle it. he stood his ground in front of the boys. "look who we have here, an immature boy pretending to be a man by using a politically incorrect term to describe someone's sexuality just to impress other boys that are still going through puberty." 

my eye's widened in surprise. tae stumbled over his words, not used to speaking some of the words that spilled out of his mouth, but he stood up straight anyway. the group of teens seemed taken aback by his remark also. 

one of the boys smirked at tae. "well if it isn't cat's little play-toy. are you finally losing your marbles after her little episode with you and billie?" he slapped one of his friend's arm, the group laughing yet again. "i'm surprised you can even speak english."

"hey," connor said, stepping forward. "i'll have you know that dan is not a faggot, phil is not being forced into anything, and that tae is not a play-toy. also, english is a mandatory class from their third year of elementary to high school, at least from what i've heard, so bump off." 

the leader (at least, that's who i assumed he was) feigned surprised. "and we have yet another batty boy. man, this is just a gay get-together, huh?" 

"why do you have to be so mean?" phil asked, frowning. 

zoe shoved her way past us before the boys could speak, alfie's arm held tightly in her hand, her nails digging into his sweatshirt. she raised an eyebrow at them. one of the guys whistled, but it died down the second he saw alfie being tugged along by zoe. she took a step forward, dropping alfie's arm. the boys stepped back. she crossed her arm. "if this a gay-together, it's not a surprise that you guys showed up." she wrapped an arm around tae's shoulder, turning him around. "come on guys. no need to waste our precious time on these assholes." 

i continued staying behind them, not speaking a word as phil frowned at the ground and connor clenched his fists in anger and tae clung onto alfie and zoe as if he would not be able to walk without them. zoe turned to tae, a sad smile crossing her lips. "those guys are in your school aren't they? are they the big bullies of the school?"

tae nodded. i wish i could see his face from behind. "they're the most mean people in school. except for two of they guys - they never really do anything." 

"who are those two guys?" alfie asked, eyebrows knitted together. "couldn't they at least stop what is going on?" 

"their names are casper and joe." tae looked up at the clouded sky. "casper lee and joe sugg." 

zoe froze, dropping tae's arm. we all stopped as well. "did you just say joe sugg? as in my brother?" 

tae nodded, moving closer to alfie. "i'm sorry. was i not supposed to say that?" zoe continued walking, us joining her, feet moving slowly to the vehicle that we had all crammed into to get here. she shook her head.

"no, actually, thank you for telling me. i'll make sure to have a nice little chat with him about it later." 

"a-alright," tae stuttered, grasping onto zoe's arm again. connor opened the car door and stepped inside, and tae held it open after him, allowing phil and i inside the car since he would have to curl up on the floor of the car. 

i sighed, sliding into the seat next to connor, who leaned into my ear and whispered, "don't listen to those assholes." i nodded my head in response, though i knew that i would be stuck awake all night thinking about the bitter words that slipped out of their mouths.

seeing as the movie theater was a bit of a ways away, i let my head fall onto phil's shoulder and fell asleep.

⌲

author's note! updating this from my bed bc i'm terribly sick. i spent at least an hour before writing the ending of this chapter just curled up on my couch reading poetry next to the big window and eating an oatmeal creme pie. i'm glad i got to leave school bc i hAtE gYm cLaSs

anyways, thank you all so much for 8k reads! i'm still in shock that non-binary is even getting somewhere, let alone 8k. thank you all, i love you so much
-di