Chapter 1: The begining of the end

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    The small wooden boat slowly glided through the green marsh. The air was thick and hot which made this journey all the more harrowing. The gang had followed Nicholas cage's dying words to the letter. They were to follow a string of clues bringing them across the planet in order to find the piece of blessed flex tape that would be used to seal the portal from the shadow realm and save the universe from Phil swift's god like wrath. WhiteGuy BlandProtagonist: the leader of the group watched stoically at the head of the raft. Diesel, the buff gentle giant black guy that has a tragic sacrifice death scene rowed as did CoolGuy McFanfavorite. Scooter: the pussy character that progressively gets better as the series continued complained about the bugs which somehow turned on the obligatory female character Pauline. The Australian asshole of the group Dickwad Doucherton just ate an apple and didn't help at all. Suddenly, the boat came to a complete stop. The muck filled water had turned to a jet black. It had turned into flex seal. An imposing silhouette with no other distinguishable features other than glowing blue eyes slowly stepped across the Black Sea of hardened flex seal. The moonlight revealed the identity of the figure as it inched closer. It was Phil Swift. "You will never retrieve the blessed flex tape mortals, give up while you still have your souls" he spoke in a deep, imposing, yet charismatic tone. "Well shucks, why don't you go hop in a mud slack at the rodeo on Sunday night with a cornfried steak on the 5th of July" Coolguy McFanfavorite barked back in his lovable hot headed southern accent. "Very well... Then you're about to have a bad time" Swift smirked as his eyes burned even deeper. With the speed of a tiger he lunged forward and sliced the raft into two pieces. "I sawed this boat in half!" Phil jeered. "Oh gosh guys I don't like the looks of this I wanna go home!"scooter cried. The obligatory female character who clearly has a fetish for weak men reassured him and by result added depth to their character and furthered the cliché romantic subplot. "I blame the black guy" Dicksas Doucherton laughed as he took another large bite out of his apple to remind the audience of how much of a douche he is. This remark also triggers another subplot that leads to Dickwad and Diesel to put aside their differences leading to lots of gay fanart. "Let's finish this guys!" WhiteGuy BlandProtagonist yelled. Phil Swift laughed maniacally as he readied another attack.

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