The Rebel Queen

Chapter 15:

Punch. He loves Kriss. Kick. Kriss is your friend. Punch. You're over Maxon. He means nothing. Punch. Punch. But he means the world. Kick. Your friendship with Kriss means more. Punch. Don't sacrifice it for Maxon. Kick. Kick. She said she wouldn't resent you. Punch. But you'll resent yourself.

Slap.

I slapped my hand onto the material of the punching dummy and collapsed on the floor in a heaping pile of tears. I cried for so many reasons. Exhaustion. Resentment. Loneliness. Sadness. Betrayal. Love. And more. I couldn't handle all of it which is why I collapsed on the crying regularly. But than I would think of how pathetic I must of looked on the floor and force myself to get back up and work out until I collapsed again.

I was sobbing as I forced myself to stand back up. My tears mixed with my sweat as I cried and began to punch the bag some more to the point where I couldn't distinguish between the two. I couldn't stop crying this time which made me punch the bag harder.

Suddenly two hands grabbed me and pulled me away from the punching bag and onto the floor

"America! Stop!" Marianna yelled. "You can't keep doing this to yourself!"

I looked up at her from where she threw me in the floor and just blinked.

"Look at yourself! Your skinnier than a stick and in desperate need of a shower. You can barely keep your eyes open yet you've been in here for hours. It took at least 5 rebels to open the door after you locked it and you didn't even notice the loud sound when we broke the door!"

I stared up at her, blinking. I was listening, but not comprehending. My body was limp from finally getting a break, my mind was cloudy from pure exhaustion, and my eye-lids were heavy.

I remember hearing Marianna scream my name before I blacked out.

~oOo~

My eyes fluttered open and I looked Ashton's sleepily. At first I expected to be at the palace, than at the base, but I didn't recognize either. I was lying on a couch in a large room, but my mind was too cloudy to comprehend where.

"America!" A voice exclaimed in relief.

That caused me to fully wake up from my peaceful  sleep. I was surrounded on all sides by my friends; Celeste, Elise, Marianna, Marlee, my ex-maids, and Georgia.

"She's awake?"

"Oh my god!"

"Are you alright?!"

"What happened?"

"You scared us!"

"Don't do that ever again!!"

I groaned and smacked my head against the pillow, wishing for sheep to return. Not because I was tired anymore (I had probably slept for at least 16 hours) but because I knew what lecture was coming. It wouldn't be fun for me.

While everyone else accused me of bad health and instability, Marlee gently helped me to a sitting position. Lucy pulled back my hair into a ponytail and dabbed at the sweat on my forehead with a towel. And Elise gently titled my head and pours we some water down my dry throat. I looked thankfully at the least loud and annoying of the group.

"Were just glad you're okay," Lucy whispered.

"Don't ever scare us like that again," Celeste reprimanded.

"You need to take care of yourself," Marianna yelled. "I've been seeing the signs for weeks! Today was just the tipping point and you can't go on like this."

"I get it. I won't."

"But you will," Elise sighed sadly.

Anne was gently rubbing my shoulders. "We know what this is about."

"You do?" I squeaked

"We are all some of your best friends and we are worried about what you're doing to yourself," Mary said.

"You're going off during attacks and fooling around with Maxon, than coming back and beating yourself up for it," Marianna said.

"It's not good for your health. Mentally and physically," Anne explained.

"I don't want it to be like this!" I cried. "I messed up all my chances of happiness when I cheated on him with Aspen!"

"Bit you broke it off," Lucy reminded me.

"Yes! And he knows that! So now me wants me back," I sobbed. "But I can't ruin Kriss's chance for happiness!"

"Haven't you realized by now?" Mary asked.

I looked up at her, tears streaming.

"Kriss is miserable, sweetheart," Anne informed me quirky.

"What do you mean?"

"Maxon is this sort of zombie without you," Lucy explained. "He works all day long and finds excuses not to see her. The only time he ever truly smiles is right after the attacks."

"After he sees you..." They all said together.

"Is that supposed to help me?!" I yelled. "You're making me feel worse! Because of me Maxon is causing Kriss more pain than I already am. She doesn't deserve that!"

"Either do you!" Celeste screamed, and it was like a snap to the face. Like somehow suddenly I woke up.

"You don't deserve to go through that pain either," Marianna whispered very low. "You have done nothing wrong and yet you're beating yourself up. And everyone around you because they care about you."

"You're hurting more than just Kriss."

"You're hurting us."

"By hurting yourself."

"Your hurting everyone."

There words were like single, sharp slaps. Each one stinging me until my mind was clearer than ever.

I didn't join the rebels to put myself back in the same destructive dance with Maxon as I was in the Selection. I joined to make a difference. To find those dang books before anyone else uses them for evil. And I had allowed myself to fall through an endless rabbit hole into my own messed up version of wonderland did over a year now. And now I was back and ready to fight.

To fight for the rebels.

To fight for my friends.

To fight for Kriss.

To fight for myself.

For once and for all.

I picked up my phone off the table beside me and scrolled through it.

"What are you doing?" Marlee asked, trying to look over my shoulder.

"Ending this," I replied dialing a familiar number.

"Kriss, write a letter saying to meet Maxon in the study and sign my name. I'm going to end this for once and for all."