A Course of Passion

40: The First Time

Flashback (SPENCERS P.O.V)

"There's just so many lingering questions Maddison, I don't know what to do." I tell her, rubbing my hand across her leg as we sit on my leather couch together.

"We've been thinking about this for a few weeks now Spencer, we need to decide what we're going to do." She says to me, looking down at the ground and not at me. I exhale and go to respond, standing up in the process. However, my brain has nothing in it and I just walk across the room a few times trying to figure out what to say to my girlfriend to tell her how important, yet terrifying all this is to me. Only I know how scary this must be for her, being the actual one to be pregnant. Eventually, her soft voice pulls me out of my mindless stoop, "Spencer, you've been pacing for almost an hour. Talk to me." She says. I look at her, but more through her still in a fog. She stands up and comes over to me, putting a hand on my cheek, "please, talk to me." Her voice is in a whisper now as she pleads with me to open up to her.

"What if I'm sick and then the baby is sick too?" I say out loud. I already know how she is going to respond, she is going to try and tell me that I'm not sick, but we know she doesn't know that, "I know, I know, I'm fine and the baby would be fine but you don't know that. I can still be diagnosed schizophrenic Maddison."

"Spence." She hums out my name, knowing how much of an issue I have with that thought.

She tries to pull me into a hug but I push her away softly, not wanting her sympathy at that moment. I'm lucky, because she lets me walk away to give me my space. I go to the restroom and throw some water at my face, knowing we need to come to a decision. When I head back out to my living room, I see Maddison at my book shelf. She's holding an old leather book, one I'm familiar with from years of rereading. Her hand is resting on her stomach and a small smile is formed on her lips, "that was a gift from my mother when I was 4." I tell her, pulling her attention towards me

"It's a beautiful book." She says, removing her hand from her stomach and gently opening the pages to flip through.

I walk closer to her, starting to feel something other then dread, "my favorite are the folk tales. I could never rationalize them as a child, believing in science and all." I tell her, keeping my stare on her facial expressions.

She chuckles and nods, throwing her hair over her shoulder to look at me, "I was always prone to fairy tales, of course." She rolls her eyes playfully, "typical girl."

I chuckle back and she averts her eyes back to the book, closing it and touching the seems. I know in that moment what she wants to do. I know she wants to have this baby, and the moment I know that, my mind is made up. I also want to have this baby with her, to start a family together. I walk over to her, pulling her back as close to my chest as possible. She lets herself rest against me and I whisper, "we're going to have a baby."

She turns around to face me with glee in her eyes, "you sure?!" She asks, a bit high pitched.

I nod, feeling nothing but happiness about it.

PRESENT TENSE - Maddion's P.O.V.

I nod, sniffling up at his words, coming back to reality after remembering the intense moment I found the book, "thank you." I mange to whisper with my head in his chest.

"Everything okay over here?" I hear Morgan's voice from behind me.

I stand away from Spencer, quickly wiping the tears away from my eyes before turning to face him, "I was just thanking Spencer for coming, I still can't believe you all got to be here!" I reach my arms out wide to give Morgan a hug.

He chuckles and hugs me gently, "I'll let Rossi and Hotch know how much you missed them." He jokes. I slap him playfully on the arm when we pull away, "come on, pretty boy. Let's go see what kind of trouble we can get into."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" I call after my two friends as they leave.

"That doesn't leave much!" Penelope comes over and calls out to me, making the two guys laugh, "so, were you surprised? Wasn't it wonderful! Gahhh, I am so excited for these two!" She puts her hand on my stomach, "Ahh, is that a kick!?" She squeals with glee.

I laugh with her and nod "yeah, they really like having their Aunt Pelpee around!"

She gently moves her hand away, wrapping her arm in mine to walk with me, "ugh, I'll be spending so much time on the train to come see you all."

"You are welcome anytime Penelope!" Sonny meets us at the entrance and leans in to give her a tight hug, "thank you so much for planning this! You're one amazing lady."

She gives me a don't I know it look and I know she is just biting her tongue from saying something cheeky in return. She decides to just simply say, you have no idea, sugar" and give me a wink.

Sonny thanks JJ as well for helping and the four of us pack the gifts into the car before heading off to our apartment to drop everything off, "I can't believe you did that, you're such a jerk!" I say to Sonny once we get in the car and drive away.

He knows I'm at least partially kidding because I smile and laugh while I say it. He moves one hand to the back of my neck and rubs at it, saying, "oh come on! You loved having everyone here, it was a great afternoon!"

"Well, yah! But everyone was here for the babies and all the attention was on me. It's just weird." I confide, "if I could've seen everyone with out all that, that would've been perfect."

"Yah well, officers and agents can't all just take off the same day just to hang out. They need a reason!" He points to me.

I roll my eyes and quip back, "oh, stop being reasonable. You know what I mean."

He smiles. A few moments later he questions, "so, did you have fun?"

"I did babe, thank you." I lean over to kiss him on the cheek and take note to thank him in another way once we are back at his apartment and unpacked.