A Course of Passion

21: Talk

I go straight to my apartment and when I get there, Sonny is sitting outside my door, his head drooped down asleep. There's flowers resting in his lap and I quickly pull out my phone to snap a photo. I quietly walk over to him, squat down and rub my hand across his arm, "hey" I whisper, wanting to wake him up gently.

"Heyy" He stirs awake, lifting his head up, his tired eyes still semi asleep, "sorry, its been a long night" He mumbles back. He starts to stand up, "these are for you." I move back as he stands up and I accept the flowers once he is standing fully. He leans in and gives me a hug, "I'm sorry." He whispers into my head, resting his chin against my head, "I shouldn't have just gone off to work like that."

"It's alright." I whisper back, just happy to have him here.

He slowly pulls away, "it's not alright, it was selfish. I can't even imagine what you went through."

I shrug and suggest, "let's go inside, we can talk about it later." I say, moving to open my door. Once we get inside, he goes straight to my couch and pats at the spot next to him for me. I sit next to me, curling my legs to the side and resting my head against his chest, "when do you have to go back in?" I ask him, rubbing my hands up and down his chest.

He rubs his hands across my arm, "tomorrow for the arraignment."

"So you have the rest of the day off?" I ask him, sitting up just a bit to look at his face.

He nods, his eyes closed. I rest my head back down on his chest and wait for him to fall asleep. Once he dozes off, I crawl slowly off the couch and into my bedroom. I quickly change into something a bit more sexy underneath and throw a dress on over it. I know soon enough I'll be too big to wear any of my clothes. I go back to the living room and wait for him to wake up.

"How long was I out?" I hear his voice from behind me. I put the recipe I was reading down on the counter and stand to walk over to him, "you changed." He notices, sitting up and wiping at his eyes a little.

"Just wanted to be more comfortable. You've been asleep about 2 and a half hours, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to wake you up or not, I started dinner." I explain back, "I'm making chicken Marsala."

"Yum, can I help?" He asks, standing up and moving towards me.

I shake my head, "not yet, just prepping. Why were you in Buffalo?" I ask him, extremely curious about the case the teams been working on.

He goes over all the details with me about Rutnik. I say back to it all, "this is horrible. If he gets convicted, then every case he's ever worked on will be reviewed. Barba must be freakin' out." I'm now sitting across from Sonny at my table.

He agrees, "It's not good, that's for sure." The room goes silent and I know what conversation is going to happen next. I exhale, getting ready to be the one to say something. As soon as I go to open my mouth, he speaks up, "look, if you don't want to talk about what happened, that's fine, I can respect that. I just would like you to know that I'm here for you, always, and you can tell me anything."

My breath flows out of me calmly, relieved at his words. I answer back, "I'm sorry I never told you. It's just that it never came up, we never talked about kids and a family and all that."

He shakes his head, reaching his hand over to hold mine, "I know, I know. It's all alright, you don't need to apologize."

"Yes, I do." I stop him for adding on, "I freaked out on you for not telling me you were married and then I stormed out of the city because you made me relive all those feelings about my mother. I acted like a teenager and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry for putting you through that."

"It's alright Maddison, really. Being married for a day and losing a baby are two totally different conversations, you can't compare them." He returns back.

I snort a little laugh, "that's what Spencer said."

He retreats his hand back from mine, his eyes showing me the pain I just caused, "Spencer?" He questions.

I sigh, looking down for a moment then back to him, "I called him when you drove off yesterday" I shrug when I say it, "he's uhh, he was the only one who could understand what I went through."

Although I said it under my breath, I know he heard everything I said, "Oh. I see" he says putting it together.

I quickly return back, "I'm sorry, if you don't want me to talk to him, I won't. I was just so scared and I just needed--"

He interrupts me, "it's--it's alright. You don't have to stop talking to him, I was just-- surprised. Look" he scoots his chair closer to my side of the table, "I'm sorry I drove away after the appointment. I was angry at first that I didn't know, and then I was scared that it could happen again. And then when Amanda and I were driving up to Buffalo she told me how selfish I was being."

"Amanda said that?" I ask, wondering what exactly he told her, "she knows about the twins?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "no, just the miscarriage. I'm sorry, it just came out of me and I know I had no right to tell her."

I exhale, not really mad at him just upset it's getting around already, "It's alright, you got a lot of news yesterday."

"Well, she was right. I was only thinking about myself and not what you were going through. You're the one carrying my babies, you're the one who dealt with such terrible loss. You're the one I need to be talking to."

"And we will, from now on. Alright?" I return, feeling closer to him then I've ever felt before.

He leans in, "from now on, it's you, me and the babies." He puts his hand on my stomach before leaning in to kiss me.