Tom Holland Imagines

Anxiety {T.H.}

      Word Count: 636

   You had always had bad anxiety. This was no secret to Tom. However, he had never experienced what happens when you have an episode. You had been doing really well and had not had an episode for quite some time. Therapy was really helping you get over it and your therapist, Charlotte, was great. 

   But then you were trying too hard. Too hard to be happy and rid of this curse by the name of anxiety. You were constantly trying to do stuff that helped make your days "normal".  Tom didn't know what to do so he would try to talk to you about it, but you would always avoid his questions and try to change the subject. 

   The truth is that you were trying to cover up the pain of your past. The pain of an abusive relationship, the pain of a death. It had all happened a year and a half ago. When your life fell apart. Tom didn't know all the details because, quite frankly, you didn't want him to know. 

   He knew you had therapy because you had anxiety from your mom's death. What he didn't know was that your mom died from cancer right before she was able to complete her lifelong goal of visiting the top of Mount Everest with you. She had been fighting her cancer long and painfully. He also didn't know that you had just gotten out of an extremely physically and mentally abusive relationship that ended with Tristan in jail for sexual assault and abuse. No one knew except your family and best friend. 

   Every time you told Tom that he was the best thing that had ever happened to you, you meant it with every fibre in you. 

    But lately, he was getting more and more worried about you. You were getting a little distant trying to make things more "normal" for you.  It was Monday night and you and Tom were hanging out at home. He had to say something.

   "Y/N?" he broke the silent tension in the room.

   "Yeah, Tom?" you replied, praying that he wouldn't bring up the subject you had so desperately been trying to avoid. 

   "I know."

   "Know what?" you asked confused. 

   "About Tristan." 

   Your heart dropped. You couldn't breathe at all and your vision blurred. 

   "Y/N? Hey, hey, hey, it's ok," he said as he wiped away tears on your face. You didn't even realise you were crying. 

   The pit of your stomach was in knots, your breaths were more shallow and fast-paced. 

   Oh shit, you thought. 

   Your heart was racing faster and faster to the point you thought going to explode out of your chest. Your knees gave out as you were overwhelmed by the attack, and your body was shaking from lack of oxygen. Tom went down with you, holding your vulnerable body. 

   "Y/N, it's all right I'm here. C'mon talk to me, what's happening darling?" he said calmly, but you could hear the alarm in his voice. 

    "I-I-I..." was all you could manage to get out. 

   "Shhhh, it's alright."

   ~~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~~

   After a couple of hours, you managed to calm down. Tom and you were currently residing on the sofa, he was still holding you while you cried softly.  You had told him everything about Tristan and your mom. 

   "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I didn't know you were living a hell with him."

   "Hell isn't a place," you said calmly to him. "It's a state of mind Tom."

   He stared at you with his loving chocolate eyes and looked away briefly. 

   "Then heaven is the feeling that I have whenever I'm with you," he said softly. He turned his attention back to you. "You will get over this Y/N. I promise you that. And I will be there every single step of the way with you."