OUT OF MIND / MYG.

THIRTY SIX

i stared at him.

"maybe that's it. you haven't healed as a family. you'll never truly become whole until everyone forgives themselves and are stable again. it's a common mistake. they think if they help the mentally ill then the entire family is fixed. it goes beyond that. everyone needs closure, acceptance, and understanding."

yoongi listened intently, nodding along.

"are you and your parents healed?"

a pang could be felt at the pit of my stomach, in my heart.

"no. i haven't seen my parents since they announced i was moving facilities. they don't visit. they just act like i don't exist."

"how are you supposed to get better if you guys aren't working together?"

he sounded genuinely confused.

a tad upset.

"the thing is that i'm not supposed to get better. i'm supposed to be hospitalized for what i've done or what they believe i've done. it's a punishment. they don't want me released but i can't be put behind bars."

a slight wave of nausea overcomes me but i regain my composure.

"that's horrible. i'm sorry."

i shrugged, "don't be. i deserve it."

yoongi immediately interlocked our fingers.

he looked at me with a stoic expression.

"that's not true. no one deserves to be abandoned by their family. people make mistakes, but it isn't okay to isolate them, to pretend they don't exist."

i remained silent.

truth be told, i didn't know how to feel.

i had become numb over the years.

i was never the child my parents focused on.

they were always too concerned over seunghee.

they didn't even care if i came home at night.

i had been tempted many times to just stay out with nari, forget about everything going on at home.

the pain.

but something always drove me back to the long path leading towards the blue house.

"if you knew what i did, i don't think you'd be saying that."

yoongi didn't answer.

the air was somewhat tense.

i wasn't mad at him.

i didn't believe he was mad at me.

it felt all the same.

just conflicting feelings.

it ended up in same result of depression.

"do you feel better?"

i asked after a moment of silence.

yoongi paused.

"i don't think i can answer that right now. i think i need to help myself before i can help eunbi."

i nodded.

it seemed plausible.

"i never realized that before. thank you."

i beamed.

"you're welcome! thank you for being my friend."

he smiled.

i smiled.

everything felt okay.

for now.

things never stay that way.