WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MAY INCLUDE MENTIONS OF CUTTING, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, EATING DISORDERS AND SUICIDE. PLEASE SKIP IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS.
When the text is like this, it means the moment is a flashback.
(Unedited)
Published: September 21, 2017
Tae POV
They're always there. The voices. Constantly reminding me of why you left, exactly why I wasn't good enough for you.
We were sitting on the couch. Well, you were sitting, while I laid my whole body across it, my head nestled comfortably on your lap, as your fingers absentmindedly were running themselves through my hair. It was picturesque, we looked beautiful. You looked beautiful. I felt loved.
It was silent, only the low hum of the TV show we weren't paying much attention to being heard in the small living room. Consumed by our own thoughts, me gazing at you admirably, wondering how someone like you would choose me, while you gazed off beyond the screen. I wish I knew what you were thinking.
"Jinnie?" I asked, breaking the pensive silence in the room. Your head snapped down to look at me, only humming in question while your eyebrows raised slightly, hands still unmoving from my hair. I sighed deeply, and sat up, your eyes shifting from questioning to worry. Another deep sigh, "Jinnie, do you love me?" It was silent. My gaze shifted to the ground as the silence became thicker, tension filling the once soothing atmosphere.
"Look at me." I refused to lift my head, not wanting you to see the tears in my eyes. Suddenly my chin was grasped by soft fingers, and slowly raised my head, tear streaks already visible. "Of course I love you Tae, I was just shocked to hear you ask so suddenly baby boy. I love you so much and I would never leave you." Violent sobs echoed through the room. Your eyes were conflicted as you tried to figure out what to do.
"Y-you promise you won't?" I stuttered, sniffling as I tried to calm down. Your hand finally found its place, rubbing soothing circles on my back, as I hiccuped.
"I promise, I promise on my love of food that I won't, scouts honor," you said. I playfully hit you, while you goofily tried to imitate a boy scout salute.
"You idiot," I giggled, "you weren't even a boy scout. But gosh I love you so much." I pulled you in by your pale yellow sweatshirt, kissing you deeply, trying to show just how much I love you.
"Well," you began, slightly panting from the passionate kiss, "I'm your idiot so deal with it." We both laughed together, goofy smiles etched on our faces. "Now, lets go eat some chicken, because I really want some chicken." You make me happy.
But then, you stopped eating.
"Babe, wanna go eat some spicy noodles? I know they're your fave," I teased, a slight smile on my face.
"Tae," you sighed, "if I want to become a model I can't be a fat ass." I hummed, assuming you were probably just worried about eating over your calorie intake.
And then you began skipping more meals.
"What do you want for breakfast? I was thinking of making some really nice omelettes, especially since it's such a special day" I asked, all giddy at the thought of your reaction to the anniversary gift I had gotten you.
"I have to hit the gym but I'll eat something later babe, see you later" He said, dismissively kissing your forehead and quickly walking out the door. I assumed he was planning something big, something Jin. All I did was end up crying myself to sleep on the couch, feeling stupid as the meal I cooked for us, lied cold on the dining table, along with your gift, and my surprise outfit for you lay at the bottom of the garbage.
