But I still loved you, so I fought. Until I couldn't. Even if I forced myself to feel pain it just wasn't my choice anymore.
A small smile was plastered on my face as I came home early from work, to find your car in the driveway of our house. It had been so long since we had any time to ourselves. I tried to make the most silent entrance possible, immediately heading for our bedroom, the one room I could always find you. But you weren't alone.
"AH Jinnie go faster please" Namjoon.
"AGH FUCK Joon-ah you're so much tighter than that fat bitch- fuck I'm close" On our bed, you pleasured another, in ways you refused to pleasure me.
I watched, through the door lying ajar, as you finished, confessed your love for each other, and lied comfortably, together. I silently walked out of the house, and drove away, not having anywhere else to go. I found myself parking at a Walmart parking lot, silent tears streaming down my face, my chest heavy as I tried to find the strength to sob. When it was finally nearing the hour I usually got home, I drove myself back, my thin and bony fingers tightly wrapped around the steering wheel. I wasn't quiet this time, making it known I was home.
But you were there, sat at the couch, with him. Your hands were clutched tightly, as the both of you stared expectantly at me. I shakily took a deep breath, and sat down in front of you.
"Taehyung-ah" It had been so long, since he had said your full name, it felt so foreign to you. "I want to break up. I just don't love you anymore, and I feel you just don't understand how important my career goals are to me. I need to be with someone as attractive as me, and as thin,"
"Okay," I croaked out. That had been the first and only word I had uttered ever since I caught them.
"I know you love me bu- wait, what? Why did you give up so easily? Did you ever even care about me?" Did you?
"Jinni- Seokjin hyung, I refuse to fight a battle I have already lost. Your heart belongs to another, so please, go and be happy with them. Always remember, I'd do anything to make you happy hyung, because my heart is still in your hands. I may be just any other fat bitch but just- please, please remember to eat." I blankly stared at a wall, feeling so overwhelmed with sadness it had numbed me. Were there tears streaming down my face? I couldn't feel them.
I waited and waited, hearing the sounds of you zipping bags every few minutes, your packing frantic, almost fearful that I would do something. My fingernails were absentmindedly digging into my wrists, my scars stinging as they reopened, my thighs beginning to itch as the fabric of my slacks caught on the scabs on my thighs. The familiar sting in my stomach, making me hate myself for eating so much food. How dare I, break my 1 snack weekly plan.
You left me. All that was left was an ugly scarred thing, rightfully undeserving of your love. I never cared about you, I was so selfish, all I wanted was for you to eat, when you clearly didn't want to. I hate myself. I lost my purpose. My Jin.
3rd Person POV
Tae suddenly got up from his frozen state on the couch. He ran into the kitchen, ransacking the pantry for salt, all the salt he could find, grabbing a sharp knife along the way. He entered the en-suite, quickly turning the knob of the bathtub on to the hottest water setting possible. He poured all the salt into the tub and walked out, sitting down in front of his vanity, pen and paper in hand.
Dear Jin,
I'm sorry I was never good enough for you, just a fat annoying bitch. I tried to be good, I only had one cookie a week, see! But I also know I'm hideous, so I tried to cut my ugly away, aren't I pretty hyung?! My body never gave you enough pleasure, so I didn't mind when I caught you and Namjoon-hyung on our bed every few days, I just hoped you would still love me a little. I'm so stupid, someone this dumb doesn't deserve any love. I lived to please you hyung, but I failed, so I deserve to die. I mean, who wants an obese, ugly, unpleasing, stupid boy in their life anyway.
I love you hyung,
A corpse without a purpose, once named Taehyung.
Tae took a deep shaky breath and swallowed all the pills he could find, swallowing them down with sink-water, rushing to take off all his clothes. Turning off the tap, he got into the steaming tub of hot water, the salt already stinging his unhealed cuts, the scalding water giving the slightly drowsy Tae some comfort. Eyeing the knife he had set on the edge of the tub earlier, he eagerly grabbed it, slicing both of his inner forearms, making sure he cut veins. It had only been seconds, but Tae needed this to happen faster. He leaned back, his head now under the water with the rest of his body. He didn't fight it, until the darkness claimed him.
Seokjin X Taehyung- Tae. Eat. Love. {Angst}
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