Abhor, Regret [Reita x Ruki Fanfic]

Chapter 5: Why Me?

"RUKI!!!" Reita held the man close to him as he called out the latter's name. "WHY?!" He was desperate for answers.

"Rei...ta..." His voice as weak. "I'm sorry..."

"Why are you sorry?! Why did you cut yourself? What's going on???"

"Father came to the studio this morning..."

"Kai informed me as well. What did he say?" Reita noticed the continuous bleeding on Ruki's arm, and so he tended to it. "But before that... this wound right here..." He slowly pressed on the sides to release the blood. "Let's go to the bathroom. We'll attend to it there."

He slowly helped Ruki stand up, and supported his waist. His hands were gentle, and held the man before him as they moved towards the bathroom. When they reached there, Reita immediately helped him clean the wound with soap and water, and dressed it with ointment and bandages. With quick treatment for a shallow wound, hey went back to the bedroom.

Reaching the bed, Ruki surprisingly pulled Reita close to him through his shirt.

"What is it?" The man with the nose band asked.

"I want to see it..." The latter slowly moved his hand towards the man's shirt, and touched one of the buttons. "Can I...?"

Reita knew well what he meant— he knew very, very well. So, instead of replying, he left him be.

Ruki's hands were shaking as he unbuttoned the other's black polo bit by bit. Reita, on the other hand, examined Ruki's expressions. The blonde was still beautiful, he thought, even throughout all these years, and in this time, with a tensed look.

After unbuttoning the last one, Ruki slipped the man's polo aside, and touched his toned, bare chest. He then fixed his eyes to visible scar in front of him. Seeing it again in a very long time, a tear immediately fell from his left eye— an indication of sorrow. He touched it slowly and ran down his fingers on the mark.

"This..." Ruki's voice was weak. " This is because of me..." he said, as tears slowly flowed from his tired eyes.

"None of that." The other replied. " That day... If I didn't tell you to leave, you wouldn't have experienced any of those... I should be the one to apologize..."

"You know what the doctor said way back didn't you?!"

"Your friend is lucky. If the blade was near half an inch deeper, he would not have made it..."

"Reita... the past... it's haunting me again! Seeing my father... everything is coming back... I don't want it to!" His voice was shaking, and his tears were not stopping anytime soon. "Reita..." He kept on calling out as he rested his head on the other's bare chest. "I'm sorry..."

"Shhhh." He whispered as he caressed the other's blonde hair and ran his fingers through it. His other hand embraced him for comfort. "I'm alive right? I'm here with you, right? That's everything that matters. Stop replaying the past. The present and the future matters more..." He said as he slowly held Ruki's blushed cheeks from crying, and kissed his forehead gently. "Please stop thinking of yourself as a nuisance... you're not."

"Rei... -chan..." His voice whispered. "Why are people leaving me? My own flesh and blood... the girl I deeply loved... they all left, and I still feel them glaring at me with disgust... what's wrong with me? Is it just because I didn't change to meet their standards... is it because of that that they turned their backs on me?! Why—" before he could continue, Reita took his lips, and had it met with his. It was a deep, passionate kiss. Ruki did not react, and let it be.

Slowly pulling away, Reita caressed his cheeks again.

"Listen to me." He said. " How about me? Did I ever leave you? I never did. Not even once." His voice was gentle. " The band and I never left... because we know you... and we could see through you... the 'you' who your family failed to see. What you are is not a failure... you're a masterpiece, Ruki..." he continued saying those sweet words the latter always wanted to hear. "Your voice saved millions of people. You are the soul of the GazettE..."

"Reita... even when we were in Middle School... why did you decide to stay with a fucked up man like me? Why me?"

"Because I saw through you when you couldn't even understand yourself... and what I saw was a man who I knew would be successful... Someone who would touched others with his story..."

Ruki stared at him with a surprised look, not expecting to hear any of those words from Reita— the man who held close to no emotions in the band. But, deep within his thoughts, he knew that Akira was and will always be like that. He knew how protective he was of him.

"Neh, get some rest. It's early, but you need to sleep. You've been too stressed lately..." He said as he slowly had Ruki lay down on the bed and had his head on the pillow. Tucking him under the covers, he patted Ruki's head. The other man was still speechless, and he still held no emotions. His sadness still prevailed over him even after what Reita told him.

But, before he closed his eyes, he called out once more.

"Rei-chan... do you love me?" His voice was low.

Reita looked away and then, he replied.

"Just go to sleep." He said with little to no emotions at all.

"I was kidding." Ruki faked his laugh. He then closed his eyes into a deep slumber.

Reita still sat upright on the bed beside him. His guilt ate through him, because he knew it was all a lie.

"I always have Ruki..." he thought to himself. "And I always will..."