non-binary → phan (on hold)

5. yummy

"you heard the girl," i said, handing phil a spatula as connor started the stove and backed away to help me with other things. "now get cooking!" 

phil grunted but threw a package of mushrooms onto the pan. billie grunted before hopping off of the counter and grabbing the correct spices to throw into the mix. "let me help you, phil. since you can't seem to do yummy." 

"i was already yummy." 

connor started playing his music. i smiled at billie and phil, bickering whenever one mixed up the order, laughing whenever one of them messed up. billie started swinging her hips as mr. brightside (a bop that will never be forgotten) started playing. my smile grew wider as phil and billie both started singing the lyrics, out of tune. 

billie flicked an uncooked mushroom in my direction. "what are you staring at, yummy? you've already got yummy handled. phil and i can do yummy this time."

phil scoffed and leaned against the counter. "i don't need your help to do yummy. i'm yummy, too." 

billie stuck her tongue out at him. connor reached out and smacked my butt with a spatula. "if you guys are so yummy, then get cooking! we're making quiche remember?" the song switched and connor screeched before dancing around the kitchen with random ingredients. "we've got to work, work, work this out!" 

i snorted before laying the crust on the bottom of the pan and reaching into the fridge for eggs. "didn't know you were such a big fan of high school musical." 

connor frowned. "who isn't a fan of high school musical?" 

⌲

we were back in the living room, billie's feet propped up on my shoulder and connor slouching on the arm of the couch. phil had found himself in the beanbag again. connor poked my shoulder. "i know this is a sensitive topic, but since we all know who you are now, have you ever dressed up as a girl?" 

my eyebrows knitted together. "what do you mean by that?" 

"like pastel skirts, crop tops, knee high socks." connor shrugged. "stuff like that. have you?" 

i shook my head. "no. i've never been more boy or more girl. i've just sorta been neutral, i guess? that's why i always wear what i do, you know, because it's something that both genders could wear without being categorized as the opposite gender. plus, i've always been too scared to dress even the slightest bit more feminine because of people judging me." 

"you shouldn't have to worry about what people think of you," billie said, slinging an arm loosely around my shoulder. "you should be able to wear what you want without being concerned of other people's opinions. if you wear something more pastel or anything like that, that's your decision not theirs." she gasped, standing up quickly and grabbing onto my arm. "i have an idea!" 

i stood up slowly, connor and phil following suit. "and what would this idea be?" 

"instead of putting you into something completely out of your comfort zone, why don't we take slow steps?" billie smiled, eyes shining. "we could totally dress you in something that would be considered more dainty and girl-like without giving people too much of an idea. and then when you're ready for more people to know, you can widen your clothes options and step outside in a skirt without people worrying! easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie motherfucker." 

phil jumped up and down as if he was a child on christmas. "oh my gosh! i have a great idea!" 

billie loosened her grip on my arm. "tell me right now, philly, because we don't have much time to lose." 

"just take us to your house," phil said, grinning. connor moved to stand beside phil. "i need to see what you have so i can get an idea of what we have to work with." 

now it was billie's turn to jump and down. "okay! dan, lead the way to your car. it's time for a mini road trip to lil billie's house."

⌲

connor was in billie's kitchen, making conversation with billie's exchange parents while keeping an eye on the quiche that i forced billie to let me take with us. i, however, was stuck with phil and billie, who were rummaging through billie's clothes. phil stood back from the closet while billie held out some of her bigger clothes, considering i was much taller and older than her. she was small. 

phil held his finger to his mouth with one arm crossed across his chest. "too red. no. still too dark. that one would be good, but no." billie finally pulled out a pale pink jumper. i could feel phil's mood brighten immediately. "that's the one! now just time for the pants." 

billie tossed the jumper onto my lap. i stayed sitting on the corner of her bed. "well? you gonna put it on or not, dan the pan?" 

"i can't believe i'm actually doing this," i grumbled before heading to billie's bathroom. i pulled the jumper on, surprised by how well it fit. billie and phil were snickering in her bathroom, connor awkwardly laughing downstairs, vents pushing warm air through them. i sighed and took a look at myself in the mirror. i was already looking brighter, but the dark circles under my eyes were more prominent. i shook it off - maybe other people wouldn't notice them.

"dan, dan, dan!" i heard phil shouting, followed by the pounding of feet to the bathroom door. "are you dressed? we found something amazing to go with the jumper. it might fit, but if not you could probably just stick to the pants you're wearing." 

i slowly opened the bathroom door, just enough for phil to shove a pair of light denim dungarees through the small crack. i stared at them before taking them from phil's hand. he moved his hand from the doorway and shut the door. "if you don't like it, please don't take it off before letting us see. unless they're too small. then that's okay." 

i stared at them for what felt like an hour before taking off my own pants and sliding them on. it fit. i stared at myself in the mirror body mirror that was hanging on the back of the door. my feet were socked, my hair was ruffled, my hands were gripping tightly onto the sleeves of the jumper. it didn't look terrible.

but i felt uncomfortable.

⌲

author's note! ayee you got to see more of phil. don't worry they should fall in love soon. hopefully.
-di