Who we are

Chapter 31

Mina’s POV

 

I woke up entangled in a warm embrace from behind. But I’m not complaining at all, since it was so comforting. I turned to face Chaeyoung who was still asleep. I looked at her in awe, she’s so adorable when sleeping. I trace my finger gently over her arms until she shifts around, then I stop.

“Who told you to stop?” replied Chaeyoung as she faced me and gave me a sexy smirk.

 

I chuckled a little, and looked at the clock, it was 11 am. I prompted up on my arm to get out of bed, but I felt a splintering pain and looked at my left hand which was all bandaged up, then all the memories of yesterday popped up. I sat on the edge of my bed and just covered my face and sighed. I heard a lutle shuffle and the side of the bed next to me dipped a little as Chaeyoung came close to me and hugged me from behind. We were in that position for a while until I couldn’t take it anymore and stood up and helped her up to. I’m glad that she didn’t ask me what was wrong or pester me to tell her, because even I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

 

I thought that I’d be feeling better after talking to Yerin, but I still feel like I have a hole in my heart. I guess I just haven’t completely healed yet to move on.

 

We went downstairs hand in hand and saw Nayeon unnie and Dahyun eating at the table.

 

“Hey. Did you get a relatively good amount of sleep?” asked Dahyun.

 

“Relatively did.” I replies to Dahyun and I laughed. It was an inside joke were we just said relatively a lot for no reason. It felt good to joke around a little, it helped lighten the mood and I’m grateful to Dahyun for that.

“Mom made blueberry pancakes before she left for work, we saved some for you and Chaeyoung.” Said Nayeon unnie.

I love my mom, she just always knows what food I need to help me cope. The pancakes were delicious and I had a lot, I’ll probably regret it, but ohhh what the hell.

 

After that the four of us watched a comedy movie and had a pretty relaxing time. I then said bye to Chaeyoung, even though I wanted to stay with her. But I had to do something, so after she left and Nayeon unnie and Dahyun went to hangout, I left the house.

I waked to the nearest florist and purchased cute flowers. I talked a bit with the sweet old lady who was the owner of the store, we knew each other pretty well by now. After Sinb died I use to come buy flowers every week to put near her grave. After a few months, I started going less. Now I normally do this once or twice a month. I had planned to do it next week, but felt like I had to today. I said goodbye and walked to the cemetery.

 

I got to Sinb’s grave and replaced the old flowers and I kneeled down. It’s been a year and a half since the accident now, and it still feels weird to be at her grave. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.

 

There was still so much to say, but no words formed from my mouth. So I just sat there for a long time. For once I tried not to think about anything important, I just focused on little things. I listened to the birds chirp and felt the warm rays of the sun and watched the leaves of the tree fall.

 

Then I thought, how does the world keep functioning like this. Sitting here, I’m witnessing beauty, but then I look around closely and see all the graves. How am I supposed to focus on the beauty of life, if I’m surrounded by pain? How does one go on with life when they witness the brutality that it has? Why do people always say life is a gift? Well, truthfully, it’s not. Life is and entanglement of loving moments. But life isn’t just all good moments, it comes with struggle. And unfortunately, some struggle more deeply and longer than others do.

 

So as I sit here and watch the butterflies in their grace, I can’t help but envy their carefree life. How lucky are they to not have a conflicted conscious.

It starts to get dark, so I get up and turn to face Sinb’s grave.

 

“You’re lucky Sinb. You never have to witness all the pain and brutality of life. This isn’t the life I would have wanted for you, or for anyone. But that’s the thing about life, it’s not supposed to be fair or easy, because then we’d never grow. Goodnight Sinb. I hope you’re okay, wherever you are.”