Light Journal

Last Touch

It's funny how a thought can linger in ones mind and suddenly explode in the forefront with such intensity that you didn't know it was even there.  You barely touched me while handing me the bag a few days ago.  My mind was somehow holding onto that nugget and when I was walking this morning, it came to the forefront.  Was that the last time I would touch you?  A subtle graze that wasn't on purpose, how could that be it.  Argh, my mind burns with that thought.  

So, reminders occur too often, too frequently for me to process.  The most evident was Sunday morning early ...early, I was at the bad wolf and went to throw some darts.  I walked into the back where the dart boards were and I saw something that just kicked me down, almost floored me.  A futon, not just any futon, but the same make of futon that we assembled together.  My mind may be filled with cobwebs and tons of useless facts and such, but these memories overcome me and make me weak.  I threw darts and all I could think about was throwing darts with you, how we spoke about it but it was always put on the backburner.  We had an opportunity but we choose pool instead, we choose other things instead.

Yesterday, I was asked about a kiss.  I immediately thought of you and how kissing had become my favorite thing, the one thing that I looked forward to doing with you every day.  I just wanted to feel your warm lips hug mine, your tongue to tenderly caress my mouth and lips.  Your mouth to accept my tongue with openness and joy.  To feel my mouth against your face and to know, to feel, you smiling without seeing.  To just feel your expression behind the kiss change from whatever mood to a smiling happy mood.  I know you could feel my smile, my grin from ear to ear as you kissed me.  My lips hunger now, almost a parched starvation for your lips.  Not just to kiss, but to kiss your lips, to kiss you.  To kiss you knowing that was my favorite thing to share with you.  A kiss that united us in such a way, that I knew we fit.