The Girl That Care Forgot ✓

32 • Blessing In Disguise

“Well, I— I don’t think…” she clasped her hands in her lap, her palms sweaty and heart hammering away in fear of the consequences of her words. “Is it… a— a good idea? Having a baby? I mean…”

Eva swallowed audibly again, her mouth going dry when she saw the look of pure disgust and fury brewing a storm in his dark eyes.

“You want to kill the baby, do you?” He asked, his voice steely and sharp enough to cut through diamonds.

All colour drained from Eva’s face and she felt the bile rise in her throat at his words— the way Vincent had framed them was so achingly raw and brutal, it made her feel like an abomination.

“I am so disgusted with you,” he spat, walking forward and crouching down before her, his unforgiving eyes meeting her ashamed ones. “This is why nobody else will have you, this is why! You have no good in you. Heck, it makes me sick to even think of it…” As he went on stabbing her with his words, she felt herself grow smaller and smaller. With each twist of the dagger into her chest, she only felt the self-loathing grow worse.

What had gotten into her? Why would she even say something so cruel and despicable? Was Eva really that heartless?

“I— I didn’t mean… I’m so sorry, I didn’t—”

His withering look put an immediate stop to any words that might’ve spilt from her mouth. “You disgust me,” he said again, pouring all emphasis into each word before slowly rising up to his full height and walking away.

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Weeks passed and Eva really couldn’t tell if the days had flown by or dragged on.

Before she knew it, she had reached the mid-pregnancy point of four and a half months, and had to do an ultrasound testing.

Eva couldn’t be too sure of it, but deep down she did feel something. Like a part of her actually looked forward to discovering the gender of the baby… almost as she was even excited about it. It was a tiny part, but it was there.

It was there and it terrified Eva.

She’d tried to dismiss it, tried to convince herself she couldn’t quite possibly care for something that wasn’t born yet when she found it hard to even form attachments with any person beside her husband. But when the scan had failed to identify the baby’s gender and a wave of disappointment had washed over her, she realised that maybe the part of her that was growing used to the idea of having a child wasn’t so tiny anymore.

But that only seemed to make her fear grow. What was Eva so afraid of anyway? The question kept her up at night on more than one occasion, her mind always spinning in an endless circle of why, why, why.

She was asked to come at a later date if she still wished to know if she was going to have a daughter or a son, somewhere around her seventh month of pregnancy when the ultrasound results would be much clearer. And despite herself, despite all the internal battling, Eva found a bubble of hope slowly inflating in her.

Hope. An emotion she hasn’t felt in years. In eons.

And she was experiencing it again only now, due to a child she didn’t even know yet. Due to someone she hadn’t yet laid her eyes on, or heard speak… how was that even possible? This… this living, growing thing inside her womb was awakening so many long forgotten emotions inside her and it was hard for her to wrap her head around that fact.

Eva’s thoughts came to a stop at the same time the taxi she’d been riding in from the clinic parked in front of the house she shared with Vincent. She got out of the vehicle, having to put a little more effort because of her bulging stomach, all the while thinking resentfully about how Vince hadn’t accompanied her due to something that had come up at his workplace.

Eva quickly dismissed the thought, reminding herself that this was somewhat better. That she should be thankful. Ever since all those months back when she was declared pregnant, he’d become less aggressive with his actions. She no longer went to bed with new bruises atop her old ones or fresh cuts. However, she did notice that what he lacked in his actions he was making up for with his words.

His remarks and comments had only grown vicious, more malice than ever being poured into every single syllable that left his mouth. Eva wondered if it was his way of inflicting those cuts and bruises on her, just not in the physical sense of the way.

She wasn’t complaining though, she’d take the words rather than the actual physical pain her body had grown accustomed to but still hated. Maybe, she thought, just maybe, this pregnancy was a blessing in disguise.

Because even if her mind was left defenceless from Vincent’s cutting words, even if she was still unprotected in an emotional sense of the way, her body now had an armour.

Her body now had a baby inside her, an unborn soul that was protecting her physically in a way that no one could ever do for Eva before.

And perhaps that was the silver lining in all of this.

   Perhaps Eva was finally reaching the end of the tunnel, and stepping closer to that welcoming light.

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Written on; 03rd September 2017
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Just to clear things up, the beginning scene of this chapter wasn't my attempt at shaming Eva's want to not have the baby. It was emphasis on the fact that pregnancies in a domestic violence situation usually tend to be this way. (Not always; usually.) Often the women don't feel ready, but are made to feel ashamed of their choice by their abusive spouse so they end up going through with the pregnancy anyway.