This Boy // z.m fanfic

Chapter 9 ~ Niall's return

I'm still in pain. I'm still grieving. It's been a month.

Zayn hasn't spoken to me since we went to see Harry.

Ally is in the hospital, she's been cutting since Liam died.. last week she tried to kill herself.

Farah thinks I'm too depressing to even be around.

And I haven't seen my family in three weeks.

I don't want to be sad anymore; I don't want this at all, but I can't seem to get over it.

Everywhere I look, I see Liam.

Everything I hear, sounds like his voice.

All I can think about.. It's always Liam.

I'm laying on the couch, the TV has been on for roughly three days. I don't want to turn it off, I need to hear something, anything because the silence only brings the memory of Liam. I never want to be in silence.

I haven't cried in a while. There isn't a good reason why I should, but I want one. Zayn was right, I'm just using excuses so I can be mad or sad, even though I don't have a reason to be. Liam is gone, there's nothing anyone can do to bring him back, and it's nobody's fault, either. Everyone else has seemed to move on, but I can't get passed it.

A knock at the door snaps me out of my thoughts.

I stand up and shuffle my slippers across the hard floor to the door.

When I open the door, Niall is standing there.

"Hey." He says, looking at me with worried eyes.

"Hi." I greet him quietly.

"How are you?" He asks.

"Better." I sigh.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around, I would have come to see you earlier but I was so pissed and confused, I didn't think about anything.." He sighs. "Sorry."

"It's fine, Niall." I say.

"It's my fault." He says, randomly.

"What? No," I say, putting my hand on his shoulder. "No, Niall, it's nobody's fault."

Not even mine.

Zayn was right, it isn't my fault that he's gone. It's no ones, except for.. the men who robbed and beat him, and Harry for not even calling 9-1-1. Did i mention Harry just dropped Liam off after he was stabbed? He was drunk, when he shouldn't be, so he did stupid things.. If he would have called 9-1-1, Liam would have lived. If those men wouldn't have been such stupid, violent, assholes, Liam would have lived. And.. and if Liam would have given them the damn ring, He would have lived.

"I should have gone the Farah's party, then i would have been with Liam and Harry at the bar, but instead i was with you and Zayn, sitting around eating pizza." He sighs. "And the bad thing is i don't regret it."

"huh?" 

"I don't regret being with you. I wouldn't trade that night for Liam.. It's horrible." Niall says.

The truth is i don't either. I wouldn't exchange that night for Liam.. i feel like such an awful person for that, but it's true. 

"Me too."  I sigh.

Niall smiles at me, then crashes his lips into mine. He wraps one arm around my waist, and the other holds the back of my neck.

Is this seriously happening? Is Niall kissing me?

Yes, he is, and i haven't stopped him. 

I'm not yet sure if i want to.

Do i like Niall? As more than a friend? I have no idea.

I shove Niall off of me in one quick move.

"What was that, Niall?!" I ask, wiping my mouth.

"I'm sorry, that was impulsive, sorry." He apologies, Niall is such a sweetheart, i don't understand it.

"It's fine.." I say, unsure if i'm lying or not. "Maybe you should go." 

He looks down. "Yeah, i guess that would be best." He shrugs and stands up. We both walk to door in silence.

"Bye, Niall." I say, quietly.

"Wait, Kaera," He says, just before walking out.

"Hm?" 

"How do you.." I runs his fingers through his perfectly blonde hair, which is now combed down. "How did you feel about the kiss? Did you.. enjoy it?" He asks.

Niall, oh, Niall. What a very awkward boy you are.

"I don't know, Niall. I don't know how to feel about anything right now." I sigh, looking at my feet. "I'm sorry." I shrug.

"Yeah.." He whispers, his voice cracks, as if he's about to cry. "I guess i'll, uh, i'll see you around." And with that he is gone.

I'm alone again.

Farah, Louis, Maria, Zayn, my own family, and now i can add Niall to the list of people who i've essentially chased out of my life.

I slouch as i make my way back to the couch and continue my pity party.

Lying face down.

TV on.

Wondering why the hell my life is such a mess.

I miss Liam, i miss him so much. He would be here for me, He would make me feel a way that no one else can make me feel. he would tell me how much he's sorry for the way i'm feeling, that everything is  gonna be alrighty, and that he's always there for me.

I miss Niall, already. Why did i make him go? Why did i make my only friend in the world leave?

I miss Zayn. I don't know why, and i'm mad at myself for missing him. But i do. I miss him deeply.

What is wrong with me?

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Hehe! Done! Did ya enjoy? Comment, Vote and Add if you did! Or if you love me! Anyways, i gotta peace, i'm at a friends house right now, so, SEE YA LATEERRR!