I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 53

His hair is now longer than you have ever seen it. You think it was long before on that day that you cut it, well now it has to be at least shoulder length. It hangs dankly in his face, a tangled mess of knots and dirt. The effort it takes him to lift his head at the noise of the door creaking open again seems to be immense. It is clear he has no energy.

He looks so strong and intimidating yet so weak and malnourished. All of his muscles taught and rigid and impressive but his skin is a sickly waxen colour.

His face shocks you right to the core. It's so thin and pale and sad looking that your heart instantly breaks in two. His empty eyes barely change at the sight of you.

"Bucky." You gasp quietly.

"(Y/N)?" He croaks almost inaudibly and it sound like more of a question than a statement.

"Oh my god Buck!" You whimper before completely bursting out crying.

"(Y/N) what are you doing in here?" He asks, his voice so raspy it's scary, especially because you can bet it's from him screaming so hard that his throat is red raw.

"Bucky oh my god, its you." You cry as you run towards him. "It's really you. You're here. You're safe."

You drop to your knees right in front of him and take his face in your hands, staring at him in disbelief. Up close it's even worse than you initially thought. There is a thick layer of grime covering his features indicating he hasn't bathed probably since he left. However that still isn't enough to hide the multiple cuts, scrapes and deep bruises plastering his face with varying degrees of severeness. His cheeks are so thin and hollow and it's as if his skin sags off his face causing him to look even worse. And his eyes. Oh god his eyes. In one of them the white is just completely red while the other isn't much better, it's badly bloodshot and tinged yellow. His blue irises that are normally so bright and sparkling with happiness look dull and dead and one of them has been reduced to nothing but a thin line because the pupil is so dilated. Meanwhile his other one is still perfectly fine which leads you to worry about the fact that he probably has a head injury.

He looks at you with so much self hatred and guilt and sadness in his eyes that it makes you melt.

"I can't believe it's actually you." You sob quietly before smashing your lips to his in a wet, salty kiss.

Although it is not passionate at all like you would think. In fact he tries to pull away by sliding his chapped lips out of your reach.

"Bucky?" You frown confused. "W-"

"What are you doing in here (Y/N)?" He repeats slowly, almost sounding impatient.

"I-I'm here to see you. My husband. Who I haven't seen in three months Bucky what do you think I'm doing?" You say in dismay at his words and try to wrap your hands around his neck to hug him but he just yanks himself away.

Of course this hurts you.

"But you shouldn't come near me," he says hoarse and coldly, tears starting to rim in his eyes and threatening to spill. "I'm dangerous. I'm a monster. I could hurt you."

"Bucky." You gasp sadly. "Don't say that about yourself. It's not true."

You go to stroke his cheek with your thumb and he actually flinches, genuinely cowering away from your touch as if he is scared it will hurt him.

You're heart breaks into a million pieces. All they must've done in there is inflict pain on him in every way possible.

"What have they done to you?" You whisper, your throat tight with tears.