a night and forever

limerence

limerence
/ˈlimərəns/

noun

1. the state of being infatuated with another person.

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One day, Baekhyun wakes up and it dawns on him that he and Yixing are steadily drawing closer to something that can be defined as a couple. The sudden realization leaves him slightly breathless. He vows to not fuck this up. All he needs is a little more time.

And then Yixing leaves. He leaves and isn't allowed to come back.

He's had to leave before. For China. By himself. But it's only been for a couple weeks at a time. Baekhyun can cope—albeit roughly—with that.

But this time—this time he's gone. For months upon months.

He leaves Baekhyun with a hole in his heart.

And he tries to tell himself isn't terrible. Except it is.

And the time to work everything out that Baekhyun so desperately needed—he doesn't get it.

-

Baekhyun can't describe the sheer agony he feels at being separated from Yixing for so long.

Junmyeon just looks at him with sad eyes when he talks to him about it. Baekhyun knows their beloved leader hurts at the thought of any of his members suffering but this matter isn't in his hands.

Jongdae on the other hand, actually says something:

"Don't you think you're being a bit dramatic Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun admits that he doesn't take that comment well.

"You shouldn't even be talking! Your boyfriend literally lives with you. As if you know how it feels! You get to sleep with Minseok by your side and I—I can't even—" His voice cracks and buries his face in his hands. Jongdae quickly pulls him into a firm embrace.

"Oh Baek. I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I didn't think. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. You're right. I am lucky."

Baekhyun just sobs harder.

Jongdae is undeterred. "You're doing so well. Yixing would want you to stay strong for him. He'd be proud of you."

After he's done crying he lies with his head pillowed in Jongdae's lap and is lulled to sleep by the feel of the other man's fingers threading through his hair. The last thing he remembers is whispering in a hoarse voice, "But he's not even my boyfriend. He's not my anything."

Jongdae's hand pauses for a second before he resumes stroking Baekhyun's hair. "I know for a fact that Yixing would highly disagree with you on that statement. I can't pretend to know what he is to you but I do know what you are to him. You're his light. His rock. His home. He wouldn't be where he is without you. He loves you Baekhyun."

-

When he's feeling the weight of Yixing's absence too sharply, he'll occasionally crawl into bed with Sehun or Minseok or even Kyungsoo. They all make him feel safe and loved and grounded in the darkest hours of the night when the loneliness just can't seem to leave him alone.

But the weirdest thing is that he doesn't feel the most lonely when he's alone. No. Quite the opposite.

He'll feel the sharp pang in his chest when he's taking a break with his members after practice. He'll be sitting there and it'll hit him—Yixing should be there with them. He should be there, learning the latest choreography or memorizing lines for their new song alongside Baekhyun.