I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 32

"Please come get me if she wakes up," he mumbles.

"Of course," Peggy whispers and gives him a wry smile.

"Come on, let's go," I say and pull him away. "We won't go far Peg."

She nods in understanding before quietly making her way down the hall towards (Y/N)'s room.

I take Bucky outside and lead him around a path to the little garden out the back. He is quiet and his head is downcast the whole time until we come to a bench and sit there in silence.

"There were two babies," he says dully after a while and goes on to explain exactly what has happened.

Soon he starts to get anxious about going back to be with (Y/N) and having to tell her the news so I let him do so, going with and sitting with him for a while. However, it gets to a point where I can see how exhausted Peggy is, as well as myself and I know that both of us have work to do so we leave, giving him some space, but not before telling him to get some sleep.

Bucky's POV:

Once Steve and Peggy are gone and it is just me in the room, I take the chance to get everything off my chest.

"Hey little one," I whisper and place a hand on my wife's bump, stroking it gently. "I'm so sorry about your little sister or brother. And I want you to know that even though you're alone in there now, you are so loved by everyone out here, and believe me, there's a lot of us depending on you to make it. So please just hang in there and you'll be here before you know it."

Your POV:

You wake up with a sick feeling in your stomach, remembering everything this time. You stretch out and yawn, everything aching. The minute you stir, Bucky who doesn't seem to have moved, shoots his head up to see you.

"Hey," you croak groggily.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He yawns.

"Everything hurts and I'm absolutely exhausted if I'm being honest with you. How long was I asleep for?" You groan as you try to shift into a more comfortable position.

His gaze shifts to the side before he answers. "Nearly twenty four hours doll," he mumbles.

"Shit!" You gasp.

"Yeah."

Just then you realise how much of a wreck he looks. His eyes are puffy and red and he looks beyond exhausted.

"And did you sleep at all in that time?" You ask concerned.

He bites his lip and shakes his head, avoiding your gaze.

"James." You sigh. "You need to rest. I'm okay."

"I know." He huffs. "But I just couldn't. I was too worried about everything..." He trails off as if avoiding something. "You're mum rung, the kids were desperate to know where we are so I talked to them and just told them that you're sick and we will be home soon."

You nod, expecting him to go on.

"Steve and Peggy came in and sat here for a while, I hope you don't mind. They wanted me to tell you that they came by."

"They're too good. They didn't need to hang around like they did."

"I told them that multiple times but you know what they're like."

You can tell from the look in his eyes that he's keeping something from you, something important.

"Buck," you say finally in a low, serious tone and gingerly touch your bump.

You don't like how you haven't felt the baby move in ages. It only makes you more worried about what's wrong. Normally you get annoyed by the kicking waking you up. Now though, you'd do anything to feel it.

"Do you know anything?" you ask hesitantly, dreading the answer.

Your heart sinks as he closes his eyes and rubs at them, drawing in a shaky breath. When he looks at you again a single tear is running down his cheek. His bottom lip trembles as he takes your hand that lies at your side in his and presses it to his lips. Feeling his warm breath against your skin makes you realise how cold you are.

He takes his time to prepare himself before continuing.

"There were two babies, (Y/N)," he says in a quiet, shaky voice.

"What?" You gasp.

"You miscarried one of them." His voice cracks.

Never in your life did you ever imagine you would hear those words. But either way, nothing in the world could prepare you for how much they hurt, how terrifying they sound, how awful they feel. Your whole world comes crashing down.

Your hand flies to your mouth and you immediately start crying. As sobs wrack your body, Bucky pulls you in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry doll it's all my fault. The doctor said you were stressed and I'm so sorry, I should've been there for you and treated you better but I wasn't and now we've lost a baby." Bucky cries as he hides his face in the crook of your neck.

"Don't say that Bucky this is not your fault, no way. I should've been more careful."

"No (Y/N/N), you cannot blame this on yourself." He whimpers.

He hops up onto the bed next to you and the two of you hold each other and cry for who knows how long until eventually Bucky falls asleep in your arms. Relieved that he's finally getting some rest, you let him sleep, cuddled up to your side and holding onto you tight. You watch him, a mixture of sadness and happiness at how adorable he looks sleeping.

You drift off for a little while bit he's still asleep when you wake. This gives you some time to think. Four hours after he fell asleep, when he finally comes to, you've come to a decision.

"Buck," you whisper and stroke his hair as he stirs, playing with his metal hand, his fingers laced with yours.

"Mhm?" He mumbles sleepily, still curled up to your side.

"I don't want us to be miserable so can we please think about the positives here? We've got two great children at home and we're blessed enough to still have another one on the way. We might have lost one but we've still got three at the moment."

"You're right, we can't let this get to us. We have kids at home to look after. And most importantly, you're okay. That's all that matters to me." He says as he leans up and kisses you softy on the lips.