A Wonderful Flag-Less World - Spideypool Fanfic

"Leave this to me and go!"

“Leave this to me and go! I’ll be right behind you!” he shouted…

Peter landed in the alley lightly. “Hello?” he asked cautiously. Something skittered in the dark.
“Wade?” he called again, softly.
There was a chuckle. “Hello Petey,” Deadpool sang, and Peter turned to glare at him. “Did I scare you?”
“Sure.” Peter said, annoyed. “Is there a reason we’re meeting in a dark alley instead of somewhere normal like a park…or a battlefield?”
“All the better to scare you with my dear,” he gave an evil laugh and Peter rolled his eyes.
“Terrifying,” Peter commented.
Wade stepped toward him and embraced him. “Don’t worry Spidey, I’m here to protect you.”
Peter sighed exasperatedly. “Oh, now I feel safe.” He felt something digging into his skin. “Is that a gun…” he tried to stop himself, cursing his lack of thought because of course-
“No, I’m just happy to see you.”
Peter groaned and pushed him a way. “Ow.” He rubbed his hip absently. “Ow.”
Deadpool gave him a look of complete adoration. Spiderman still wasn’t sure how Deadpool managed to look so hopelessly puppy like with his face completely covered. Spidey crossed his arms. “So was there a reason for this little get together? Besides the sex jokes, of course.”
Deadpool pouted, once again defying the physics of a mask. “I missed you.”
“Missing me doesn’t require alleyways.” He looked down. “Or us both in costume.”
Deadpool reached over to him, grabbing Spidey’s hips and pulling him close. “But certain fantasies can only be enacted in back alleyways in pretty red suits.” He made a move to push Peter against the building’s wall, but Peter sidestepped him and jumped back, crouching on the building instead with an annoyed look.
It was Deadpool’s turn to cross his arms. “Ah, so the Spider retreats into the darkness.” He tutted. “No fair.”
“Don’t attack me then.”
“It was a love attack.”
“It was a …what? No, don’t answer that,” Spidey replied, as Deadpool looked like he was going to explain.
Deadpool pouted again. Spidey sighed and dropped to the ground.
“So you called me here for sex?”
“What else?”
Peter sat down. “You’re a real romantic Wade.”
The man grinned and closed the distance between them, lying down and resting his head on Peter’s lap. “I know. They call me the Love Guru.”
“Who does?”
“They do.”
“That’s not an answer Wade.”
“Answer: a thing that is said, written, or done as a reaction to a question, statement, or situation. So reads google when you type in define:answers.”
“Why have you got that memorised?”
“You’d be surprised how many people challenge me about my answers. Shooting me isn’t an answer! Stripping isn’t an answer! Screaming isn’t an answer! I don’t even know what you’re doing right now, but that most certainly isn’t an answer.” He scoffed. “People.”
Peter laughed and rested his head against the building, looking up at the sky. “It is nice here.”
Deadpool nodded lazily. “Only the best alleys for you, Spiderman.”
“What a touching scene,” a voice drawled.
Deadpool sat up quickly, and Spiderman’s head jerked towards the source of the sound.
“Who dares interrupt our bonding experience?” Deadpool demanded.
“It is I,” replied the voice, and out stepped a man, clad in black and leather, half of his face melted. “Balthazar.” He leered at them. “I’m here for my revenge Deadpool.”
Deadpool frowned. “Who?”
The man did a double take. “What?!”
“Haven’t heard of you. Sorry.”
The man stuttered and searched for words. Finally he pointed to his face. “You burnt my face off!”
Deadpool shrugged. “I do that to a lot of guys.”
The man seemed shocked. Spidey stayed silent, and felt a bit sorry for the guy. You go to all the trouble of organising some sort of revenge, probably spend every waking moment thinking about it, and your nemesis doesn’t even remember you.
That was Deadpool though. Guy should have done his research.
The man tried to pull himself back together. “Regardless,” he cried. “I will have my revenge.”
Deadpool looked at him. “I’m busy. Work hours are nine to five every weekday.” He lay back down and rested a hand over his eyes. “If you want to book an appointment, I left my number on the men’s restroom in McDonalds.” He gestured with his free hand. “The one that way.” Then he gestured the other way. “And the one that way.” He paused. “Actually any McDonalds within a ten mile radius. Mine’s the one in lipstick.”
Balthazar’s eyes blazed. “You dare.”
Deadpool sighed and sat up again. “Fine. Ten minutes. Let’s get this over with.”
The man snarled. He jumped forward, and Deadpool leapt up, kicking the man in the chest. The man fell against the wall and grinned evilly, jumping to his feet.
Deadpool pulled himself into a fighting pose. “Ready when you are.”
Balthazar grinned, and gestured to Deadpool’s leg, where there was a small electronic device attached. “Already done.”
Deadpool blinked at it. He reached down and pulled at it, but his hand stuck to it as well. He pulled at it. “Not good,” he murmured. The device began beeping. “Not good at all.” He said, trying to stand up and ending up balancing on one leg.
“Attaches itself to heat, I’m afraid.” Balthazar explained.
Deadpool scowled and pulled again. The device disconnected from his leg, but stayed attached to his hand. Wade shook his hand, but it stayed fast.
The man gave him a mock salute. “See you in hell.” Then he turned and ran up the building, disappearing over its edge.
“Oh, now I remember him,” Deadpool commented.
“Wade?” Peter asked worried. His spidey-sense was overwhelming, having kicked in the moment the device had been revealed. He put a hand to his head, trying to make it stop.
Wade took off his mask and handed it to him. Then he rolled up Spidey’s mask, and kissed him, making sure that the explosive didn’t touch his lover. Then he pulled away, and saluted as well.
“I’ll see you in… Well I’ll watch you from hell.” Then he too jumped up the building, following Balthazar. “Stay where you are, I’ll be right back!” he called.
Spiderman tried to follow him, but his spidey-sense was going off – so bad he could barely stand. He rested against the wall. “Wade.”

There was silence.
Nothing moved, but his spidey-sense didn’t stop. He groaned. He needed help. He needed to call someone. He needed…He fell to the ground. What was going on? This didn’t usually happen. He groaned again. “Wade…”
Suddenly, there was an explosion.

“WADE!” Spiderman shouted, jumping to his feet, the pain suddenly gone. He scaled the wall quickly and tried to locate where they had gone. He saw smoke and followed it, leaping as quickly as he could toward the center.
“Wade?!” he called again, as he landed back on the ground. He was in an empty playground. At least what looked like an empty playground, before it had been blown up. He looked around.
“Wade,” he repeated fearfully. There was the sound of sirens in the distance. It was past midnight, so there wasn’t anyone around. “Wade!” He ran forward, searching for a piece of his lover. There was nothing. He made a pained noise. No body part, nothing. The trees and grass around the site had disintegrated. He made a noise. There was only ash. Could Wade come back from ash? How much did he need to resurrect himself?
Spiderman fell to his knees, trying to fight rising tears.
“Oh Peter, I didn’t know you cared,” came a voice from behind him.
“Wade?” he said, jumping to his feet and running to the man. “But…” even with his healing factor, he couldn’t have healed that fast.
Deadpool grinned. “Attaches to heat remember?” He nodded to the ash. “Balthazar gave off heat.” Spidey’s eyes widened. “So that’s…”
“One free cremation, yep.”
“Oh.”
Deadpool grinned and pulled him close. “I said I’d be back,” he said teasingly. “Look I even made sure no civilians got hurt.”
Spidey laughed shakily and leant into their embrace. “Bastard.” He said.
“Do I get sex then? Great kinky I’m-glad-you’re-alive sex?”
Peter rolled his eyes. “Maybe next time.”


…and then he was back after five minutes.  He caught up to everyone with no problem…