A Wonderful Flag-Less World - Spideypool Fanfic

That I thought for even a second that you might have died...

A/N:*cough* I swear it gets better in the second half. I hate writing action scenes, just bear with me. Or skip the first seven hundred words. Up to you.
Also I tried /really/ hard not to do a whole Phlint scene and keep it all ambiguous so you know...

“That I thought for even a second that you might have died…

[Ooh explosions.]
So many explosions. He ducked.
“So, we gotta plan?” Wade asked the closest superhero, in this case, Iron Man overhead. “We winging it?” There was an explosion and something hit the ground. “If we are, I think we’re going to crash and burn.”
Tony sighed under his breath. “Focus Deadpool.”
Deadpool grinned. “Just trying to lighten the mood.” A fire broke out on one side of the street. He gave a mock sigh. “I see I’m not needed.”
“Heads up!” Falcon called as Natasha’s body flew backwards.
Deadpool skidded out of his hiding spot and caught her.
He grunted as her weight forced him backwards.
She raised an eyebrow. “Thanks.”
He let her down.
“Your arms a bit…”
She looked at her arm and without a second pause popped her dislocated shoulder back into place.
Deadpool scrunched up his face. “Yuck.”
Natasha looked at Tony. “Peter and Clint are trying to get close to its centre.”
“By which you mean the giant alien with tentacles, sprawling across several dozen blocks, terrorising the good city of New York?     ”
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Wade said.
Natasha sighed. “Everyone else is working on distracting it. Thor and Hulk are taking the south, Steve and the SHIELD team are at the west, and the X-Men are at the east.”
“Which leaves us at the north.” Tony confirmed.
Nat nodded.

~

Clint fired off another arrow.
“Mind keeping me level?”
He felt Peter roll his eyes. “Oh sorry, how stupid of me to dodge the giant tentacles trying to kill us.”
“At least, I’m actually hurting the alien. You’re just swinging. And not in the good way.”
They were both swinging, technically, Peter keeping Clint close as they swung through the city over the black mess of alien. It was a difficult position, giving Clint enough room to shoot while still allowing Peter to be flexible enough to dodge. They had both already agreed to never speak about it again.
Peter sighed loudly. “I thought work meant I could get away from the innuendos.”
“It’s your own fault for dating a co-worker. And dating Deadpool. If you hadn’t, your home would be the innuendo free place.”
Peter sighed again and twisted carefully to avoid a car thrown at them.
“There!” Clint yelled over the explosion, pointing to a building perch.
Peter turned and a few seconds later they landed on the roof.
“You think you can take the shot from here?” Peter asked, dusting down his suit.
Clint gave him an incredulous look. “Are you kidding?”
Peter shrugged and used his web-slingers to divert a tentacle away from where Clint was preparing his special arrow.
“One shot to the glowy purple bit,” Clint murmured.
“I know,” Peter said in a normal voice. “I was at the meeting.”
Clint muttered something indistinguishable.
Peter ignored him. “Hey, does this remind you of Venom? I wondered if they’re related.”
“Dude, right now all I can think of is anime tentacle porn,” Clint stood up.
“Try to talk science with the archer,” Peter muttered to himself.
Clint nocked the arrow. “Hey, I appreciate science.” His arm swayed slightly as he aimed. “And actually, this is more like Monster Blood. You know, Goosebumps?”
Peter stepped to the side and pulled another tentacle away. “You read Goosebumps?”
Clint made an annoyed noise and tried to re-aim. “Nah, I saw it on TV once.”
Peter scoffed. “Listen, I’m gonna go do some running and stuff, draw it’s fire. You do the archery stuff.”
Clint nodded, the rest of his body practically frozen as he tried to calculate a path to reach that ‘glowy purple bit’.
Peter took off running, jumping off the side of the building and reappearing on the building on the opposite side of the street.
He shot a few webs to get its attention.
It reared up and began attacking in earnest. As he dodged the goo, Peter wondered why stuff like that always happened to him. He had crossed fifty yards before he realised he was heading deeper into tentacle territory, towards the purple centre. He skidded to a halt, barely missing getting hit, and did a 180.
He jumped and ducked and a few seconds later he saw Clint’s arrow shoot past him.
He made his way back to Clint. “Need a lift?” he asked, panting slightly.
“If you don’t mind.” Clint replied.
Spidey picked him up and began swinging away. “I was expecting more of a splash.”
“It’s on a timer. I thought you were in the meeting- Aargh,” he cried as a tentacle slashed at him.
“Watch it!!”
“You try juggling an archer and the tentacles,” Spidey retorted. “You could stand to lose some weight, by the way.”
Clint scowled. “Thanks. Three,” he began in a different tone. “Two…one.”
There was a silence. And then the goo shuddered and exploded, and the two men were thrown forward.