Finally Feeling Loved Once and For All: A Loved Series

Chapter 5- Morning Sickness

These last two weeks since I have been back at the apartment have been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster and it is a ride I have been trying to get off ever since it began. The confusion about when and how I should tell Eli mixed with all these stupid crazy pregnancy hormones having been wreaking havoc on my mental and physical health. I wake up, get ready, go to work, come home, then go to bed and repeat it all the next day. Eating has become a very difficult part of my daily routine because no matter how hard I have tried I just can't seem to keep anything down. Nothing has worked to help settle my morning sickness and I am slowly starting to lose my mind because I am tired of waking up so sick to my stomach. On top of that the queasiness never seems to truly fade and I end up spending half my day attached to the cold white porcelain of any toilet nearby.

Just like every other morning recently I wake up and just lay flat on my back staring at my beige ceiling trying to calm my stomach before the storm of puke comes sliding up my esophagus and has me running for the bathroom. Rolling out of bed I stand still in the middle of my room with my eyes closed focusing on the sounds of the birds chirping, cars honking, and people walking in the apartment above me to will my stomach to stop flipping around, but of course I keep losing out. My mouth beings to fill with water and a metallic taste that warns me I am running out of time before I toss all the contents of my stomach in a mere matter of seconds. Before I can give anything a second thought I take off running straight to the bathroom pushing Evan into the wall as he is walking out of Sam's room. "Good morning to you too Em, feel better!" I can barely make out what Evan says to me as everything is muffled out around me by my head being stuck in a toilet and my whole body shaking as I puke my guts out. The smell is awful and thankfully I can tell my body is almost finished as it continues twisting and turning as I rest my head on my forearm of the toilet and a couple more dry heaves wrack my body. Once I know for sure that I am safe for a while from having to hug a toilet again I slowly get up from the bathroom floor and move to brush my teeth. Looking in the mirror I can see I still don't look much better than I did before, granted I have been able to get more sleep. Although, it looks like I have lost some weight and my skin is dry and pale which is starting to concern me because I hope that I am not putting me nor my baby in danger. Thankfully I have a doctor's appointment coming up in less than two weeks and I plan to make sure I speak with my OB about everything I have been experiencing.

After getting cleaned up and dressed for the work day I walk out to see Sam in the kitchen alone eating a bowl of cereal scrolling through social media on her phone like usually. "Where did Evan go? Please tell me I didn't hurt him when I ran into him in the hall way?" "No, he's fine don't worry about him, although he did say that you look like a running back trying to make it to the end zone before being tackled. Whatever that means." This gets me to laugh as I think back at to what I must have looked like to him this morning as I was running for the bathroom. Sitting down with some dry toast and tea I glance over and see Sam staring at me with sad eyes, "How are you feeling? I can tell that my godchild has been giving you and your body hell these last couple weeks. Is there anything I can do?" "No, I'm good thank you. Really it means a lot that I have you to lean on when I feel like complete shit." Smiling at my best friend I go back to my dry toast before I have to leave for work. "He sent another gift this morning, it's sitting on the entry hallway table." I can see the beautifully ribbon wrapped vase overflowing with deep purple Gerbera Daisies; my favorite flower. He remembered, but of course he did, because he seems to remember all of my favorite things. I know this because Eli has been sending me gifts of all my favorite things, everything ranging from candy to books by my favorite author that I have yet to read. On top of that he has been calling and texting me every morning and night just to say he misses me, loves me, and wishes that I have a good day at work or sweet dreams. I know that I can't hold off too much longer from talking with Eli especially when he is slowly chipping away at the thick wall I have built around my heart since that afternoon at the club. Plus, I would be lying if I said I don't miss him nor not love him anymore; I never stopped and I know I never will. Leaving my half-eaten toast on the counter I walk over to the beautiful vase and see that there is a card. Pulling it out of its crisp white envelope I read the message that Eli wrote in his crappy hand writing "I love you more each and every day beautiful. ~ Your Man, Eli" His message may be brief, but it still leaves me slightly breathless, warm, and continues to chip more away from the wall around my heart.