[ LARRY S. AU ]
❛ you've shown me the true meaning of heaven on earth, you're my angel. ❜
or
the one where two boys share delicate kisses and make love in the back of a classic car; but it all starts...
trigger warning: homophobic slurs, subtle violence, dark thoughts.
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it's been years of hiding himself, his true self from everyone. he never thought he could do this. he never thought that he would even have the guts to go through with it. louis has known ever since he was the tender age of eleven. he noticed how he didn't have any crushes on girls like the other boys in his class did. he always fancied the pretty boys. he didn't understand what that meant and as a result his own mind turned on him making him think that he was wrong for feeling those feelings. his own thoughts told him that he was terrible and that no one would love him, that he shouldn't be like that; that he shouldn't be different.
he believed everything his mind told him even though it killed him inside, he suppressed everything. all of his thoughts and feelings for guys, he locked away as a way to be normal. he had this delusion within his mind that he was wrong for feeling this way. that he should only feel and think about girls that way. so that's what he practically forced himself to do. he flirted with girls even though he didn't find them appealing, he dated girls even though he didn't have feelings. he did everything that was against his nature because that's what he thought was right.
until, he laid his ocean eyes upon the boy who wore skirts and knee socks. he still didn't know fully to that day why that boy fully took over his thoughts, completely to the point where he couldn't suppress it. he couldn't lock it away and get rid of those feelings. he knew that he had to be with him and that scared him back then.
but it didn't scare him anymore, he was absolutely, insanely, ravishly, undeniably in love with harry. love gave him the guts to do anything. it felt as if he had a superpower, like could face anything without any fear. love made him want to yell out to the world that he was in love with harry and that harry was his' and only his' and no one can take harry away from him. love had him come to care so damn fucking much about that special boy, so much that he can burst; that made him feel so happy. it helped him realize that he would do absolutely anything and everything just to see harry's award-winning smile. that smile is one of the many things about harry that makes him fall in love all over again each day. that's the great thing about love, when it's so pure and real, you never stop regaining it every time you lay your eyes upon that person or simply hear their voice over a phone call. he wanted to do absolutely anything for harry because when you love someone you know that they deserve every single ounce of love and happiness handed to them on a silver platter. love can make you feel so many emotions all at once, but you know you wouldn't do anything to stop it. because you love the feeling of love.
that's what he loved, and he didn't want to hide that at home. he wanted everyone to know that he was in love with someone, that someone being a boy; an amazing, beautiful, strong boy. one that he gave a piece of his heart to and they made it their own.
so the love he had for harry gave louis the guts to say "i'm gay." to his family as they all sat within their living room.
silence.
he stood in front of his family, awkwardly.
"you are just trying to be like the rest of the kids, gay has become this trend and you're just trying to fit in. it's sick." his mother's boyfriend spat like vemon as he broke the silence.
"well, i am trying to fit in, but not like that. i'm trying fit in with society as who i really am and that's gay. i like boys. i'm in love with a b-"
louis was cut off when his mother's boyfriend pushed him against the wall. he banged his head and body against the wall.
"what did you think? did you think that was an okay thing? are you fucking stupid? of course you are, you're a faggot. you're sick. a mentally fucking ill nympho. thi-"
"stop!" johannah interrupted the altercation that was happening between her son and boyfriend.
he dropped louis before turning around to face her, in disgust.
"you really going to let your son turn this way? act like he is being a fag for attention by his friends? i won't stand for it! choose, if you allow louis to live this sick faggot lifestyle then i'm leaving, if not, then we are kicking him out. it's me or him, johannah."
"you can't make me choose against you and my son." she said, and that was the last thing that was said for a few minutes. it broke louis' heart at how long it was taking his own mother to answer that question.
"mom! are you really debating?" his voice cracked as he tried to hold back the tears that welled up in his eyes.
it was silent for a few more moments until johannah walked up to him, "i'm sorry louis." she said.
he knew what that meant.
his own mother chose her boyfriend over him.
and with that, he packed his things as well as his feelings deep inside himself and left. he didn't want to put up a fight or show any emotion. he felt as if he was killed at that very moment. his siblings were forced to go to sleep so they wouldn't have anything to say about it all.
he didn't even get to say goodbye.
but that didn't stop him from leaving his mother and her homophobic, manipulative boyfriend behind. as he drove down the lonesome street, that's when he let his emotions come out. he had been holding it all in so no one would see how he truly felt.
but as he turned down the street that led away from his neighborhood, that's when he broke.
he basically lost his family because of someone who wasn't even related to them.
he has never grew hatred so fast for anyone, ever.
and after that, he hated that boyfriend of her's.
but louis hated his own mother even more.
———
this took forever to update but it's here and i'm crying.
