Beautiful When You Don't Try (Camren)

Chapter 61

Lauren dropped her brow and shifted her head to look at the brunette more directly. "I'm not following. I thought that would be a good thing."

Camila nodded. "It is, but it's scary as well. I guess I'm just afraid of having the rug pulled out from underneath me if you're ever not there for any reason."

"I'm always going to be there, Baby." Lauren assured her as the brunette sat up.

"I don't know if it's the pessimist in me or just more of the realist, playing off of my past, but eventually you're not going to be there with the right words or grand romantic gestures."

"You know, you're just kind of confirming my fears that I can't give you everything." Lauren added as she pushed herself to sit up on the bed and meet Camila's eyes as they widened in panic.

"Oh, God, no. Lauren. You give me so much more than I could ever dream of, that I have ever dreamed of. What I'm saying, or trying to say, is that I'm scared to rely on your ability to give me everything I need."

Lauren nodded slowly. "Again, you're just confirming that I can't give you everything so you aren't going to rely on me."

"No." Camila argued, kneeling on the bed and covering her face with her hands until she composed her thoughts. "That's not what I mean. Let me try again. You do give me everything and say everything I could ever hope for. More so than anyone I've known. That's a fact. You have nothing to worry about." Camila assured her, trying to separate Lauren's fears from Camila's. There was a line, she just wasn't showing it. "My fears are based on my past. Once I learn to expect something, to rely on something to be a certain way, that's when it all changes or stops."

She could see the understanding spread over Lauren's face. "Oh, okay. Well, now that you've made me feel better about this discussion, how about I return the favor. You have nothing to worry about. I mean, I'm going to screw up. I already have when I met your parents, with the ACLU thing, and when I ran from the wedding plans, but I'm never going to stop trying to give you everything you deserve. It just may backfire sometimes or take me a minute to realize I have an opening to show you more."

"You cater to my insecurities." Camila stated as she moved to straddle the photographer's waist and lightly kissed her lips. "But I'm always at a loss for how to show you how I feel about you. I-"

"I've already told you. The things I've always wanted someone to do for me, you do instinctively. That's why you don't feel like you're doing anything special, because you would have done them all anyway."

"Because I bring you lunch at work?" Camila asked disbelieving. "That's all you want from someone?"

Lauren shook her head and leaned back against the headboard of the bed, cupping Camila's bare hips in her hands. "I want someone who likes my romantic side and lets me do little things for them."

"Sweety, that's every woman."

She shook her head again. "You would actually be surprised at how many don't like that. It makes them feel uncomfortable to receive the attention or obligated to return it with sex or defensive like I'm just doing it to get sex. But I want someone who lets me do that for her but can also pull me out of my shell and get me out into the world. Someone who does bring me lunch at work. Someone who takes the time to spend the day with me. Someone who is interested in what I do and shows it. I want someone who is proud of me. Who is honest with me. Who talks with me, not at me. That's one of the biggest differences between you and Adrianne." Lauren explained, trying not to let her eyes drift over her fiance's naked body on display in front of her. This was a serious conversation that didn't need any distractions.

"So, that's all you need? No big romantic gestures or anything like that?"

The raven haired smiled and pulled Camila forward, down into a kiss. "I find romance in the little gestures. I find romance in the fact that you wait up for me when I have my occasional midnight fling with my other woman just so you can be the last thing to touch my lips before I go to sleep."