It's Complicated (Troyler)

Pathetic Status

*Tyler's POV*

"You have no idea how much your videos have helped me. I just got to such a dark place and I convinced myself there was no one that cared, but even when I felt totally alone I could still rely on your videos. I guess all I'm trying to say is thank-you for making me feel I was worth something to someone." I felt a tear rolling down my cheek at the girl's kind words and hurriedly wiped it away.

"You're welcome! I hope you never reach a place like that again, but if you do, just know I'll be here for you then as well and you are worth something." She threw her arms around me and gave a hearty squeeze, sighing into my chest. She was such a sweet girl. As much as I loved meeting my fans, hearing their sad stories always broke my heart a million times over. It didn't feel real that I meant enough to help them overcome something so serious. What was so great about me anyway? 

I looked up, hearing the familiar alarm announcing it was time for my break. It was only a short one, I had twenty minutes to grab something to eat and anything else I felt I had to do. I looked to the rest of the fans standing in line sympathetically and shouted an apology, saying I'd be back as soon as possible. With that I headed off in the direction of the VIP quarters set aside for youtubers only, where I'd hopefully find something good to eat. I was hungry, but at the same time I didn't feel like I could stomach anything. I wasn't sick necessarily, it was just the intense anxiety I'd been feeling all day. He was going to be here soon. What would I say? Would I say anything at all? Was there anything I could say? And what if Sage had told him about my call and the reason he hadn't gotten back was merely because he just didn't care? Of course he doesn't care, Tyler, he's in a relationship now.

"Tyler!" I looked up from my feet just in time to be swept up into a tight embrace from none other than Marcus Butler. It had been a long time since we'd last seen each other, or even spoken. I still wasn't really into human contact, but this hug wasn't anything like the one from Grace a week ago. It was because he didn't know, so I had no reason to feel uncomfortable around him. He had no idea what was going on in my life, and for that I was thankful. It was hard enough managing my crazy thoughts about Troye, but there was no way I could handle a real conversation about him. Hence, why I'd been avoiding every other Youtuber since arriving as best I could.

"How come you arrived so late today? That wasn't like you." We continued walking toward the buffet table, him keeping an arm wrapped around my waist. Truthfully, I'd been late because I'd been up the entire night beside myself with anxiety and then it had taken me three hours to get ready. Oh, and even though I'd arrived with ten minutes to spare I'd sat in my car staring off into space like some sort of zombie. I had tried so hard to think of some way out of it, some way to avoid seeing how happy he was without me. Eventually I'd realized it wasn't fair to the fans, and I'd always told them they mattered most to me. I'd decided to go inside and promised myself not to let Troye steal my time with them away. But even while girls were explaining their life stories to me I'd found my eyes drifting to every entry into the room, looking for Troye. His booth was right beside mine, a fact that had really annoyed me when I'd found out earlier this morning. But at least he was extremely late, so I would have a bit more time to prepare myself.

"Tyler?"

"Sick. I'm sick." I blurted, suddenly his arm not feeling as comfortable. It wasn't like he knew, but the way he kept pressing me made me feel antsy. I didn't like talking about my life at all lately. I felt like people would judge me, isn't that what everyone who knew so far had done? I didn't want or need their pity, I knew my life was shit without their help.

"Oh, can I get you anything?"

"No, I'll be fine." It would seem I was becoming a compulsive liar due to this heartbreak. I knew very well I would not be fine, I wasn't fine now. But I just needed to keep up my act, for just a few more hours, and then I'd be free to break down in my hotel room alone.