It's Complicated (Troyler)

Alcohol

*Tyler's POV*

I was vaguely aware of the people shouting after me, the people grabbing my arms and trying to keep me from running off.But ultimately, there was only one thing on my mind. Troye doesn't care about me. At all. I stopped finally, practically falling off my legs due to exhaustion. I was proud of myself. I'd at least made it to an alley before giving up and breaking down. I leaned back against the brick wall, enjoying the cold against my sweaty back. My breathing was jagged and uneven, but I didn't mind. Concentrating on it was a welcomed distraction from my own thoughts. My own thoughts about Troye.

I whimpered, sliding down against the wall until I was nearly sitting on the paved ground. I wanted to scream, to cry, to punch something so hard I broke bones, mine or theirs. But instead, I just sat there on my heels, feeling too strained to even react any longer. I listened to the shouting and blasting music coming from the building Playlist was being held at. I frowned, the guilt of abandoning my fans eating me alive. But it could of been worse, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. They could have seen me break down, fling myself at Troye and beg for him back like I'd almost done. Thankfully my mind had been a little bit more trustworthy even in it's broken state and I'd fled the scene instead.

"Fuck." I groaned, wondering when my life had become so freaking complicated. I loved my fans, I really did, but at a time like now they only made it worse on me. It's bad enough letting yourself down, but knowing there are millions of people that look up to you as well, now that's stressful. I jumped suddenly, my phone buzzing against my thigh and frightening me. I grab it hastily and scan the newest text, from none other than my good friend Sawyer.

"Tyler, where are you? It's practically a Troyler riot here after that show you put on. What were you thinking running off like that?" I grip the phone tightly, like breaking it would make Sawyer realize how much his words irritated me right now. Couldn't he see that I was hurting? He wasn't even worried about me, just about the reaction I got. It's like I wasn't even supposed to have a life of my own any longer, like I was supposed to be a machine dedicated solely to entertaining others. I wished I could be, I honestly did. I would give anything to turn off my emotions lately. I felt the phone go off again and glanced down with a smile, expecting a half-ass question asking if I was okay.

"I'm not kidding, get back here before things get any worse." So much for seeing if I was okay. I turn the phone off without a second's hesitation and shove it back into my pocket.I shake my head slowly, deciding that I'd have to make some changes to my life soon. I was done caring about people who couldn't do the same for me. 

Ten minutes later and I was standing in front of a run-down liquor store. Originally I'd planned to grab some alcohol and head back to my hotel room, have myself a nice little pity party. But with each step I'd became more and more guilty, realizing how badly I'd let down my fans. Some of them probably spent a lot of money just to come and meet me, and I couldn't even brave a day next to my ex-boyfriend for them? I was just so frustrated! Nothing I did ever seemed to be the right thing to do. It all just felt wrong. I sighed, deciding that going back was the right thing to do, regardless of how I felt about it. I turned on my heel and made it a single step before stopping again. There was a couple across the street. Not that that was surprising, I just recognized them from a popular youtube channel called Lush. The channel was dedicated to their relationship and they were always adorable together, no matter what it was they were doing. They didn't seem to be any different off camera, clumsily spoon-feeding each other some type of delicious-looking dessert. For some reason seeing them didn't fill me up with the usual warmth it did, instead I only felt angry. It didn't make sense to me, why they could have something so perfect and I was left with half of a heart. Did I do something wrong to deserve all of this trouble? I blink, realizing that Matthew had been waving at me. I nodded back, forcing a slight smile onto my face. I watched closely, noticing the way he leaned across the table and jostled his boyfriend eagerly. He was going to come over and see me. I frowned, realizing how little I wanted that to happen. I turned too quickly, nearly falling off of my feet, and charged into the liquor store from earlier to hide.