Lightning (girlxgirl)

Chapter 8

My mind raced over us going to the party together. Is this a date? Is Gabby thinking the same thing about me? Are these feelings I'm having one sided? Am I stable enough to be in a relationship? Can my heart handle the rejection if she doesn't feel the same way? Did she want to make out again? I was hoping she did because I wanted too.

After I hung up with Kristen, Gabby and I got ready. Nothing too fancy because the party is on the beach. Gabby put on one of my sweatshirts and I did the same and before we left the house.

This is going to be a big test for me. This is going to be the first time I'm around alcohol since leaving rehab. Ever since I got out my mom got rid of any and all alcohol from the house. Alcohol was like added fuel to the fire. It only got worse as time went on. When the alcohol wasn't enough anymore that's when I added drugs to it. The combination led to the darkest times in my life and I don't know if I can handle that again.

We walked out the back door and started to walk down the beach. When Kristen said there is going to be a bonfire she wasn't kidding. I could see the fire from my house. About half way there Gabby slid her hand into mine. I looked at her and she looked back at me with a smile on her face. I smiled back her and she kissed my cheek. My smile got bigger as we made our way to the party.

"I'll come find you later I'm going to go talk to my friends okay?" Gabby asked.

"Sure" I said. Before Gabby left she kissed me on the lips, hard. When she pulled away I grinned.

"You sure you don't want to skip the party and go back to my place instead?" I asked.

"As inviting as that sounds, I'm going to have to decline for now." Gabby said and quickly kissed my cheek before running off to go find her friends.

I just chuckled and made my way toward the bonfire. There are a good amount of people sitting around the fire, either talking, making out, roasting marshmallows or drinking. Walking to the far end of the party I could smell the weed in the air. I knew that coming here was going to be a big test, all I want to do right now is take a hit from the joint they have going, but I know I can't.

I did a lap around the party looking for Kristen and still couldn't find her. The only place I haven't look is by the water so I made my way towards the ocean. I took a seat in the sand a little bit away from the tide so I wouldn't get wet. I focused on the ocean and blocked out as most of the noise as I could. I needed a few moments to collect myself.

The voices in my head wanted me to break. They wanted me to drink. A few guys offered me beers and it took a lot of will power to decline. I pulled out a cigarette from my pocket and lit it. They weren't as loud but they were still there. The only way I can describe the pressure is that my sobriety is like a glass filling with water. It just continues to fill and fill until it over flows.

When I was half way through my cigarette, two people sat down on either side of me. Kristen is to my right and an unknown girl sat to my left.

"Finally, I have been looking all over the place for you!" She said. Kristen had a red solo cup in her hand and I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"Are you drunk?" I asked.

"No, this is just my second." She said and smiled. "Carmen this is my girlfriend Taylor. Taylor this is Carmen." Kristen said.

I turned back to the girl and realized she was the girl from Kristen's phone. Taylor had a bottle of vodka in her hands. God is really testing me tonight.

"It's nice to meet you!" She said and tried to hug me. Now Taylor is definitely drunk.

"Like wise." I said and pushed her off me trying to keep how uncomfortable I was to myself.