Save Me | Completed

39- He's The One.

"Why, you love-" He stops when I look at him and realization slaps him in the face.

"Oh shit Tris, I'm sorry I forgot," he says guilty.

"It's fine." I wave him off. I can feel his eyes still on me as I open my book again and start to read.

"We could go to the movies, mall, park-" I cut him off, getting very annoyed even though I know he's just trying to cheer me up, "I'm not in the mood Tobias! God, can't you see I don't want to do anything!" I snap again, tears filling my eyes.

"Tris, breath, I'm sorry we don't have to do anything." He gets up and sits on the edge of his bed rubbing my leg.

I shake my head getting up from the other side, he turns looking at me. I press the back of my hand to my forehead biting my lip.

"Tris I-"

"No, I-I need some air." I turn on my heels leaving his room, I run down the stairs and Mrs. Eaton stops me.

"Tris! Hi honey-oh my goodness sweetheart are you alright?" She asks touching my arm and I pull my arm away, breathing heavily.

It feels like the walls are closing in on me, my chest is tight and I can barely feel my muscles. My anxiety is getting the best of me and I just have to get out of here.

"Um, yes. Sorry Mrs. Eaton I just need some air." I walk around her and head for the door.

When I get outside I sit on the porch steps and pull my knees to my chest. I rest my head in between my knees and cry.

I cry over the fact that my mother is gone, that I struggle with my life, that I can't find happiness with myself, the fact that I have no family left, that I will eventually never get the relationship I wanted with my mom, Tobias will eventually leave me and be smart, all my friends will leave with him.

I cry because I know I'm all alone.

All the support I have now is temporary.

It always is.

****************

I fought with Tobias that night.

He didn't understand why the reason I was crying was because I was alone. He said I would never be alone, that he would always be there. But I knew better then to believe him.

All people have done in my life have either left or hurt me, it was just a matter of time before he became one of those people.

He's the one I want to be with forever, but I know he won't want to be with me forever. He claims too but he just feeling pity for me.

He got mad at me when I said those things to him, when I told him the truth.

I went home that night and cried, Christina was there, she comforted me and I told her everything. I told her I wanted to hurt myself, that I wasn't worth anything.

She told me otherwise, told me that if she ever saw me hurting my self again she would hurt herself. I couldn't stand the thought of her hurting herself for me.

She took me to the gym to workout my pain in a healthy way.

So hear I am, punching the crap out of a punching bag.

Christina is beside me also punching the crap out of a bag and I imagine that the bag is my problems, my issues. I imagine it's my father and I finally get to beat the crap out him for once.

I give the bag one huge punch and it breaks off the chain.

"Geez, what did the bag ever do to you?" Chris laughs looking at me.