Waiting for Superman

Epilogue

"No girl likes to start over with a new guy. Getting to know a guy all over again. Learning how to feel comfortable with a guy all over again. Giving herself mind, body, and soul to a guy again. Going through that awkward phase of being body shy around a guy again. Sharing her secrets and spilling out her thoughts and emotions to a guy again. Meeting a new guy's family and getting to know them all over again. Have a new guy meet her parents, hoping they'll be accepting all over again. Opening up and letting the new guy see the real side of her all over again. Fight through her trust issues and place her trust in another man again. Work on her insecurities so they won't push a guy away all over again. Give her heart to another guy and learn to love someone new all over again. That's why girls love to stick with the guys they're already with, no matter how bad it is, because it's the guys they've been through that all with already."

Epilogue

A Few Days later...

Head down. Eyes down. Breathe quiet. Maybe they won't notice me. Maybe I'll blend in with the chair. The chair is navy and so is my dress, it could work. It's possible.

I stare down at my thick English book, wishing I could just disappear, preferably into thin air, but really just any place that wasn't the place of hell in school.

The fact that I had a hot guy that sat in front of me, beside me, and behind me didn't help the already growing anxiety I had about this class. Not only did I have the fear of being called on and looking dumb, I had the fear of being called one and looking dumb in front of all the hot guys that sat around me. But, I mean, it's not like they have ever noticed me before. I'm just that quiet girl who seems to always have a 'deer-caught-in-headlights' look permanently tattooed to her face in this class.

I focus on my breathing, trying to prevent another anxiety attack from happening. In through the nose and out through the mouth, that's what Nick and my psychiatrist both told me. The medication and therapy was seeming to help...well kind of.

A small smile escapes my lips, Nick. It was nice to still be friends with him. We have so much history, and as much as I hate to admit it, I still care about him, and he knows me almost better than myself. We talk off and on, a lot. I'm able to talk to him just about anything, and him with me. He still cares about me and always has my back. Everyone swore that we would get back together, but I think it's better for us this way, just friends. When we are just friends, there's no fighting between us, and I'm significantly stress free, at least when it comes to him. I'll admit, though, there are days where I miss him more than anything else.

The bell rings, snapping me from my thoughts. I glance up and see Mrs. Fox, aka, the devil's close cousin, her words, not mine, still on her phone. Exhaling, I try to calm myself, class hasn't even officially begun, no need for a panic attack.

Just as I start taking out my English binder, the hot guy next to me drops his binder on the floor, right next to me. Without thinking, I grab his binder and hand it to him without looking at him. Our hands touch, immediately we lock eyes, that's when he smiled. In that moment that he smiled at me, I forgot everything, I forgot the people around us, I forgot the impending anxiety attack that was about to erupt, I forgot about my devil related teacher. All I saw in that moment was his smile. "Thank you," he spoke. We continue to hold each other's gaze, seeming to have forgotten everyone else in the room. He speaks up again, "The name's Mac." He shoots me a wink.

"Emily," I say in a raspy whisper, color flooding my cheeks because of that wink. His smile expands across his face as he turns to face back to the front of the room as Mrs. Fox decides she would like to finally start class.

I turn to the page in the textbook that she demands us to go to. After finding the right page I cast a sideways glance at Mac, a final time, hoping he wouldn't catch me looking at him. But as I avert my eyes in his direction, I catch him staring at me. We lock eyes and he smiles, another heart stopping, butterfly inducing smile. My heart melts. Everyone else in the room seems to disappear. Instantly, with this one smile I felt all my defenses that I had built up begin to fade. All I wanted to do was curl up in his arms and have him hold me, while I tell him everything. Oh my god, I don't even know this guy. Oh dear god, please not again.

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and it's finally finished! thank god! I know it got crappy towards the end, so I apologize. Big shout out and thanks to everyone who has read this story. It means the world to me. But writing this story, it made me realize how shitty Nick treated me compared to Matt. I'm a strong stubborn person, Matt was able to handle that about me, but Nick, not so much. In the end this helped me realize that us breaking up was for the best and that I didn't need to stay with a narcissistic asshole like him. Thank you all again for reading this. It seriously means the world to me.