Waiting for Superman

Hearts Never Break Even

"A heart break isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes, it could be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is, nobody hears it except you."

Chapter 4

"Hey Em, how are you holding up?" Kensey calls to me from her car.

I walk over to her and shrug my shoulders, "Okay, I guess, I just don't understand though, what did I do, he said he never wanted to lose me."

"Emily, you said he said that he was leaving for Florida soon, he just doesn't have the time, and he probably did this so he didn't hurt you more by not having time, he most likely still has feelings for you."

"I know you're trying to make me feel better but it's not helping. And if he was trying to do the thing that would hurt me the least, this definitely is not the way, this is the way he's hurting me the most." I look away from Kensey, I bit my lip, tears were beginning to form in my eyes. I will not give him the satisfaction of crying over him.

"I know Em, guys do things that don't make sense sometimes." She reaches out and gives me a hug. It was when she hug me that it hit me, the tears flowed from my eyes and I cry. I cry and I cry into Kensey's shoulder as she rocks me and tells me that I will be okay.

"No I'm not going to be okay, it hurts so much Kensey, it just plain hurts. I would have done anything for him. I bought him Chick-fil-A, I gave him his space when he needed it, it's not like we were attached at the hip, but we weren't distant either. Neither one of us were clingy. We were perfect." I sob into Kensey's shoulder.

"I know, Em, I know. Really, Emily, I can guarantee you no one saw this coming, and I bet you, he didn't even see it coming. He was into you, anybody with eyes could see that." She tries to soothe me.

After another few minutes the tears stopped and I was numb. I couldn't feel anything, my mind was clouded and all I wanted was a text from Matt saying he was sorry and that he wanted me back. I check my phone, there was no such text. "Are you going to be okay?" Kensey asks.

"Maybe," I mumble back in response.

"He's a foolish boy to let you go."

"He wasn't foolish while I dated him."

Kensey gives me a sympathetic smile and grabs my arm and drags me towards the barn. As she tacks up her horse she goes on and on about something that happened over the weekend but I was too busy caught up in my crushed mind and aching heart to listen to her. Nothing adds up, it doesn't make any sense. He had told me he didn't want to lose a girl like me and that he saw us staying together for awhile. What happened? Did someone say something to him? Thinking all those questions just made my mind go even more numb, if that was even possible.

"Hey, Emily, how are you holding up?" I hear the voice and look up to see my best friend Lexie walking up to me. Her face looks crestfallen. She had been one of Matt and I's biggest supporters of our relationship. She had seen, before I had, that he was crazy for me.

"Do you want the honest answer or the lying answer?" I ask meekly.

"Lying answer then honest answer." her face remaining crestfallen but neutral if that was even possible.

"Lying answer: I'm doing fantastic! Couldn't be happier! Who needs a boyfriend, especially one like Matt, there's plenty of fish in the sea!" I spit out dryly.

Lexie seems to almost wince when I was done. "And the truth?"

I look down, biting my lip, I twirl the crop in my hand. A hush seems to come over the whole barn as the people in the barn turn to look at me, waiting for my answer. I. Will. Not. Cry. Again. I take a shaky breath and start, "Honest answer: I've never been hurt this much, not since I sold Snoozer. Everything hurts, everything reminds me of him, I keep checking my phone expecting to hear from him but I don't. Guys, I lost my best friend, the person who made me genuinely happy, made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world, he meant everything to me, he made me feel whole again, my missing puzzle piece. I mean just a week ago he picked me a flower because he thought it was pretty and that I would like it, he tucked a Dr. Pepper into my backpack without me knowing because he knew I'd been having a rough day with tests. Who can ask for a better boyfriend than that?" I bite my lip to keep the tears from flowing. I feel all eyes on me, no one moves or says anything. All you could hear was the swish of the horses tails and occasional whinnying.