Take a deep breathe

Chapter 6 | Alcohol

Just as I'm about to walk up the stairs realization hits me. What if mum have been dri- no stop it Hannah! She has been sober for 2 months now so why would she drink tonight?

But instead of walking to my room, I made my way to the kitchen, searching for evidence that mum has been drinking. My heart was being ripped out of my chest when I spot the empty bottles of wine lined up on the kitchen counter.
I let out a loud sigh as I walk straight to mum's bedroom.

She is sprawled out on her bed, fully clothed. Another bottle of wine is beside her bed.

I let out a deep breathe and made my way over to her bed, slowly pulling the blanket over to cover her numb body. Her eyes are puffy and her rosy cheeks are all tear stained. At times like this I want to break down, because I can't take it anymore.

Mum hasn't always been like this.. It all started when I was eight, when dad divorced mum. I will admit that it wasn't this bad when I was just eight years old, but as the years progressed, so did her addiction. Half the time I would beg her to stop, not only for herself but for me. It worked sometimes and she would stay sober for some months until something else happened. I have tried before to throw away all the alcohol, but she would just buy more.

I reach her door and glance back at her peaceful sleeping body. "Please, stop this mum" I whisper as I feel how tears are prickling the corner of my eyes.

I feel so empty. Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I sure would have thought that if it wasn't so quiet that I can her my heart beating. I feel how tears escapes my eyes as I lay down on my bed. I wrap myself tightly in my blankets.

Flashback

It's happening again.

I'm silently tossing and turning in my bed, trying to ignore the wailing coming directly through the wall. But it was no use. It just never stopped. The whole house is dead silent, except for her.

I hear her sobbing and that's when I decide to climb out of my warm bed. My feet made soft thud as I made my way over to her room. As I am near her door I can here a few sobs.

Her door is already open as she sits in the corner, reaching into a bucket infront of her. She was almost to drunk to lift her head up to chug down another mouthful of the wine that is bouncing around in her hand.

"Come her mommy, let's go to bed" I whisper quietly while I mustering all strength I had as an eight year old and heaves her up.

"Mommy please don't drink this, it makes you weird and scary" I whisper to her as I pull the blanket over her.

End of flashback

I have now closed my eyes and I'm starting to doze away, letting myself fall into a deep sleep.

My alarm buzzes in my ears. I'm throwing my arm out, turning it off. Fuck, I mumble as I turn to my side. It's 07:00 am, it's way too early to be up on a Saturday. The reason why I'm waking up this early is because I have promised mum that I would come to the set of her new music video for 'Bon appétit'.

So I get up and walk to my bathroom to take a shower. I was done in less than 15 minutes. My long blonde hair is being blow dried and brushed even though my towel haven't left my body yet.