Draco And Astoria (The Untold Love Story)

11| Hide your weaknesses...

The feeling of joy stayed with him for about twenty minutes. In that time he ate lunch, told Benine and Ellie that Astoria had woken up- they then rushed to the hospital wing- and went to the boys dorms, ready to catch some much needed sleep. It took twenty minutes for him to realise something. 

He realised it wouldn't work. Him and Astoria. It wouldn't work. She didn't know he was a werewolf and if she ever found out... he shuddered. He could already see the look of disgust he'd get. The only people he could trust not to run from him was his parents, Blaise and McGonagall. No matter how flawed his parents were- and they were extremely flawed- they loved him and always did what they thought was best for him.

Highlighting the word thought. Not everything they for him was healthy but it came from their heart. 

And Blaise had known him since they were kids because no one else bothered to give them a chance so they only had each other as friends growing up. They knew everything about each other. Like- Draco knew that Blaise had run away from his family twice, that his favourite cousin was Astoria, that his to-be girlfriend was Ellie, that he hated being an only child. And Blaise knew everything about Draco. 

McGonagall had a friend who was a werewolf before- Remus Lupin- so she didn't judge Draco either. In fact, she was the one professor Draco could confide in to about his life, home and school. 

Thinking about it, he knew that Astoria would accept him. It wasn't that that worried him. It was that she deserved better. She deserved way better than a former death eater werewolf. Draco slumped onto his bed and closed his eyes. A heaviness weighed on his chest.

A few seconds later, he got up again. Fixing his uniform and pocketing his wand, he left the Slytherin common room, heading above ground again. 

The gargoyle stood at attention in front of the head's office. Draco suppressed a smile as he said, "Cats are better than dogs." The gargoyle allowed him to pass. He knocked on the door and on hearing permission, entered. 

"Draco, what brings you here?" McGonagall asked. 

He sat opposite the professor across the table that was- surprisingly- scattered with folders and papers. He cleared his throat. "I kissed Astoria," it burst from his mouth before he could think of a more subtle way to get to the topic. 

Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow, "Finally."

He stared. "What?"

"Anybody can see that you love her. It has taken you longer than I'd thought to make a move." 

"B-but," he stuttered. Then sighed, "Was it that obvious?"

"Extremely. That's not why you're here though, is it?" 

Draco dragged a hand through his knotted hair. "No. Well, it's linked. The thing is... Astoria doesn't know I'm a werewolf."

"That hardly matters- tell her."

He chocked, "Tell her?! B-but..."

"You're scared. You know that she won't hate you like I've heard you say, but the possibility that she will scares you enough not to tell her."

"And she deserves so much better than what I can give her. She deserves safety. And comfort. And innocence. Everything I don't have!" 

Professor McGonagall cocked her head slightly, "You know, Draco, I had a conversation just like this one with Remus. You know him, don't you?"

He nodded. 

"He loved Tonks and she loved him back. For so long, though, they didn't get together because Remus believed Tonks deserved better. Just like you. All she wanted though, was his love."

Draco swallowed down the lump that came to his throat thinking about Tonks. "This is different. Astoria," he shook his head. He couldn't explain it. Every time he said her name he felt something that was almost foreign to him. And it scared him sometimes. 

All his life, he'd never been good enough. Not a good enough son. Not a good enough death eater. Not a good enough person. Astoria deserved someone who excelled in life. Someone who'd make a good boyfriend. Because he wasn't good at that either. 

"She deserves better," he said meekly. 

McGonagall sighed. "In the end, it's for you to choose. Listen to me, though, Astoria isn't asking you to be perfect. She wants your love- that's all. And you can give her that."

He stood up and gave a small smile. "I'll think about it. Talking to you has really helped- thanks professor." 

-----------------------------------------------

Draco waited in anticipation in the common room. It was the next morning and Astoria was allowed to leave the Hospital Wing. He'd eaten breakfast before the others and was now sitting on his favourite sofa by the fire place. 

Astoria came in a few minutes later. She'd changed into a cleaned pair of Hogwarts uniform. She didn't look any different; her hair was in a messy bun held in place with her wand, her shirt was only half tucked into her skirt, her sleeves were rolled up and presently she wore a mismatched pair of socks (black and dark purple). Yet, Draco's heart thudded and he couldn't take his eyes off her. He cursed himself under his breath and forced his eyes away from her until she reached him. 

She sat beside him on the sofa, grinning. Her eyes shone, crinkling in the corners, a dimple appearing on her cheek. Better to get this over and done with, Draco thought. He spoke before she could say anything, "Can we forget about us kissing?"

Confusion passed over her face. "What?"

"Can we forget it?" he repeated. "As in not mention it to anyone and go on as friends? Because I'm sorry for it. I know you don't like me and it was stupid for me to kiss you." Draco hated accusing Astoria but there was no other way without confessing him being a werewolf.

Astoria frowned. He knew she wouldn't say she liked him if she thought he didn't feel the same way. Then she cracked a smile. Her eyes betrayed the hurt she was feeling. "I'm cool with that- it was kinda awkward thinking if I should tell Bennie and Ells without asking you. I'm cool with that." After a second of silence she asked, "Why'd you kiss me then?"

 Draco shrugged- thanking God he was good at masking his feeling- "It was just the heat of the moment thing."

"Cool." Astoria had taken her wand out of her hair and was twisting it in her hand- again betraying her anxiety. "Anyway, I'm gonna get some breakfast." And she was out of the common room. Leaving Draco's head to drop into his hands, tears stinging the back of his eyelids. 

You don't deserve her, a voice said in his head.

"Can you not shut up!" he hissed, his voice breaking. But the voice was right. He didn't deserve her. 

You don't deserve happiness.

He shook his head furiously to try rid the voice in his head and the tears in his eyes. But the voice was right. After all he did. After killing and hurting so many peoples lives- he didn't deserve happiness. He should live with the guilt for the rest of his life- it was the only way to re-compensate for the destruction he'd brought upon others. 

He let himself drown in the sadness for a few seconds. Then he took his head out of his hands and blinked away the tears. He replaced his face with one of confidence and indifference. "Hide your weaknesses and you will never fall prey to them- no one will ever see them." Draco remembered Lucius teaching him that nearly every time he'd break down. People only saw what you showed them. It had been set in him since he was a child. 

"Hide your weaknesses and you will never fall prey to them- no one will ever see them."

But how could he hide away from Astoria? 

How could he stop himself falling for her? 

How?