Leah and Trent

Chapter Twenty-nine

December 26 2016 - Monday

~

Leah

(Song: I'm In Here by Sia)

I didn't really know what to do with myself. I kind of just shut everything out and took solace in my room. I tried not to think about what happened. But the more I tried to not think about it, the more I thought about it. I spent the nighttime either fighting my thoughts or fighting my nightmares. There was a night when I felt like I was back in that bathroom, and I woke up coughing and sweating.

A faint purplish mark was printed on my neck that I avoided looking at. I only wore things that had a high enough collar to hide the bruise around the house to keep it hidden from my mother. I kept getting text messages from Daniel, but I never answered any of them. I never even looked at them. After a while I just turned my phone off and left it on the desk in my room. Brittany had came over to hang out, but I told my mother to tell her that I was sick.

My mother didn't question why I was hold up in my room. She was busy like usual, so she didn't really notice anything. Leonard still wasn't back from dad's house. I regretted not going with him in the first place. The only reason why I didn't go was because Sharen went with him, but if I had been there then I wouldn't have been at the party.

I stood in the kitchen, watching my mother as she was rushing around trying to get ready for work. It was oddly soothing watching her. I thought about it a couple times, telling my mother what happened. But there was always this feeling pulling me into myself and disconnecting my brain from my voice. But that morning my voice kind of leaped out of me.

"Mom."

"Yes, what is it?" she asked still moving around.

"I. . .I was. . ."

"Come on, honey, spit it out. I'm already late." She stopped her feet while still messing with her bag as if she was looking for something.

". . .Daniel tried to. . .force himself on me." The words didn't sound real. They sounded weird and felt unnatural. My mother froze and the silence made my heart start to race. I wanted to run away or possibly just take back what I said. Act like it was a joke. A cruel sick joke that I thought would be funny because of boredom or exhaustion. She took her hands out of her bag and placed them on her hips.

". . .Are you sure?" The inquisitive tone in her voice was unsettling in my ears.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Leah-"

"I didn't want to and he tried to make me. I'm sure." Not once had my mother looked at me since I started talking. She just stared at the floor and stayed silent. I wanted her to say something. I needed something from her even though I had no idea what it was. But her silence was becoming infuriating. Every part of my body started to tighten. "Mom!"

"You're alright, right?" she asked finally setting her eyes on me. My mind went blank as if she asked a question that was impossible to answer.

". . .yeah."

"Good. As long as you're alright, it's fine." She walked over and wrapped her arms around me. I couldn't even think of moving my arms to hug her back. I almost wanted to push her away from me. "I have to go to work, but. . .I'll be back for lunch. I'll bring something for you to eat, okay." I nodded my head trying to keep my expression calm. She looked at me the way people looked at injured puppies or sick children. Then she just grabbed her bag and left.

I stood there, stuck, not really knowing what just happened. She treated me like I had caught the flu or something. I wasn't even sure if she believed me or thought what I said was serious. She didn't see the mark that was under my collar. The mark that he had left on me. If she had, I wondered if she would still think everything was fine.

A strong sadness started to take over me along with a cascade of tears that sped down my cheeks, but anger crept up behind it, and a fire formed in my chest. I didn't need her to believe me. I didn't need any of the pain that was being thrown at me.

I wiped my face with my sleeve and forced the tears to stop falling from my eyes. I ran up to my room and slammed the door shut. My heart was racing and beating so hard that I felt it hitting against my chest. I stared at the phone on my desk and rushed to it. I turned it on and saw that I had thirty unread messages all from the same person. I gripped the phone in my hands and typed on it, practically feeling the glass crack under my fingers. I hit send and tossed my phone back on my desk.

You're dead to me

(Song: I'm So Sick by Flyleaf)