Beyond the Endless Horizon (UNDER REVISION)

Prologue

Prologue

I wonder why risking is always better than regretting when it requires courage to face the fear of uncertainty and potential failure. That the greater the possibility of hurting yourself or someone else, the greater the risk.

But what if you are not prepared to bear that outcome and it doesn't go as you expected?

Naiwan akong miserable at walang patutunguhan nang mawala sa akin ang pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay ko. It was an unending torment. It was enough to bury me alive, enough to restrain me from choosing what I wanted most. But if there is anything that I am certain of, it is the fact that love is not enough, even when it is all that I have. I do love him... yet I'm getting married to someone else.

And I know that's my life's biggest risk I regretted taking.

"Holy fucking—you're getting hitched?" hindi-makapaniwalang bungad ni Elisha nang makita akong naka-ayos na. "You're getting hitched!" ulit pa niya.

"Magdonate ka naman ng kagandahan sa maid of honor mo, Lorie! Luging-lugi 'yung best man!" Lumitaw si Bianca sa harap naming dalawa.

"Kapal mo, a! Hiyang-hiya naman ako sa mukha mong parang piranha sa tagtuyot!" napa-irap na sagot ni Elisha.

Sabay kaming tatlong napatingin sa salamin. Lifelessly, I was standing in a couture bridal dress... and suddenly felt sorry. Maybe for having to do this shit. Maybe for the disappointment I gave to myself. 'Di ko alam kung tama ba 'to o kung pagsisisihan ko balang araw.

Napasinghap ako at nanumbalik sa aking huwisyo nang maramdaman ko ang pagpisil ni Gale sa aking kamay. His thick brows furrowed in concern.

"It's your wedding day. Why do you look so tense?" nag-aalalang tanong niya habang seryosong nakatingin sa akin. "I hope you're not marrying the wrong person."

I do hope so, too.

"No..." sabi ko sa nag-aalinlangang boses. "I'm getting married today, right?"

"Hindi ka sure? Gaga ka ba? 'Yan na nga oh, naka-bridal gown ka na!" Pinitik ni Eli ang noo ko. "Parang wala ka sa sarili mo, okay ka lang ba talaga?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "I don't know..."

Sumandal naman si Gale sa pader, nakahalukipkip. "You're braver than you think, Lorielle."

"Don't ever blame yourself..." Bianca handed the bridal bouquet to me and fixed my white bridal veil. "... for how things turned out when the situation was out of your hands."

How do I forgive myself for not becoming the person I wanted to be?

I wanted to be brave enough to live the life I have always painted. Na dati ko pang gustong makamit—ang dati na hindi pa komplikado ang lahat. I couldn't imagine what a terrible thing it must be, to wake up one day only to realize I did not do all the things I wanted when I had the chance and could not keep all the people I love...