Random things

35.

WARNING: This chapter contains swearing, if you don't like that, deal with it.

So I was just casually talking to my dad in the kitchen when I glanced back at my room, only to find my mom taking pictures of my (messy) room with her phone. And of course I did what pretty much any teenager would do, walk over to her tell her to stop and take her phone to delete the pictures.

Then she tells me, "that MY phone! You can't just go and delete my pictures". And then I say " and this is MY room and my privacy, you shouldn't do this". But then she just says that this is her house and she can do this if she wants to.

I mean does this make fucking sense to you!? So just because you own the house that I live in, it automatically gives you the right to take pictures of other peoples rooms and just INVADE their privacy?

So if I had a house and my friend lived in it with me, does that mean it's okay for me to just go into their rooms and take pictures of their stuff?

OF FUCKING COURSE NOT.

It doesn't justify anything!

Plus she already tries to dictate what I do, like "oh you have to wear more color", "EXERCISE, go out and actually do something with your life", "you can't eat that or you'll get fatter!", "go and hang out with your friends instead of just sitting in your room all day".

And I have answers to all of those things.

First, you don't control what I wear! This if not some kind of place where you're the leader and you can just go around telling people what to wear, this is a home! I like wearing what I do, you can't just go and push all your preferences on me and expect me to do all of it perfectly. Let my have my OWN style.

Second, I don't want to exercise, and whenever I actually do want to do something, I'm embarrassed to do it 'cause she almost always tells me stuff that makes me feel bad about myself. And I have no confidence whatsoever because of that.

Third, I can eat whatever I want to, but by you saying that it makes me even more insecure about my body, why don't you just mind your own business and let me eat this and then it'll be my fault if I don't like myself, and not because you say all of this shit to me.

Fourth, even if I do sit in my room it doesn't mean that I'm not hanging out with my friends. Plus I'm doing what I like doing when I'm here, I'm not just sitting there bored like some kind of emotionless robot. I actually ENJOYING MYSELF.

Just let me be and I'll be happy. Don't try to control me, and don't go around taking pictures of my stuff.

AND, if she did that to show it to her friends what would she look like? A person who has no problem sharing her daughters privacy? Someone who could easily just reveal another persons insecurities? Just so that they can see just how much of a failure I am?

Because I don't like it, just please stop telling me to be more like your "oh so perfect" self.

Stop it.

Just accept me as the odd fangirl I am. And don't compare me to other "normal", and "better" people.

Please just let me be me.

And this could easily just be my shitty opinion that is wrong all the fucking way through, but I honestly don't care anymore.

She has told me so many times that I'm just not good enough. Even though she hasn't said it directly that what I feel like she's telling me.

And today while eating dinner she was talking about that she wanted to renovate the kitchen and remove the small wall we had diving the kitchen and the living room. And when I tell her that I actually liked that wall she again just tells me that this is her house and she can do whatever she wants to with it.

So I tell her "so just because it's your house you can do whatever you want with it? Such as taking a picture of my room without my permission? And yes, I'm going back to that".

And she fucking explodes about how wrong I am and that my opinion is wrong. I tell her the same as I've written here, that if a friend was living in my house would it really be alright for me to go and take pictures of her room.

And she says that it's ALRIGHT because it's my house, and my brother agreed.

To be honest I was annoyed.

But it didn't stop there, she continued telling me how my room was so fucking messy, and there would end up growing mold on my walls. I don't understand why! Sure, my room is messy, but it's not dirty there is a difference.

She continued on and on about how my messy room annoyed her so much, and I honestly felt hurt. She was going to stuff that I hadn't even said anything about, just to prove me wrong.

I'm telling you I was so pissed and hurt by what she kept on insisting was right and the fact that no one said anything to her, that I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.

While I did that I could hear my parents argue about my dad thinking that she's too harsh on me. I didn't like hearing them yell at each other, and how my mom again just kept bringing things that had nothing with what he said into the whole thing. I was just glad it didn't go any further than that.

Again, it might just be my opinion, but I don't think it's okay for her to bring others down just because she wants to win an argument.

I give all people reading this all the right in the world to hate on me, but I really don't think she's right about this whole thing being okay.

Have your own opinion say whatever you want about it, I don't care as long as you don't try to shove your "obviously correct" opinion down my throat.