Grim's Race

Chapter Twelve: Holiday Blues

Rory

Walking away from Caden hurt.

It was like ripping off my arm and leaving it with him.

How had I become so attached to him so quickly?

When did this even start?

The pain made my vision blurry and tears burned the back of my eyes. My chest felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly and my breath had become short. I can't remember much of the drive home only that somehow I made it back safely.

The minute I get to my house I run up to my apartment and walk right into the door.

Because it's locked.

And it seems I was too distraught to realize that.

Talk about graceful.

I can't even get my keys out of my purse my hands are shaking so much. Instead I decide to just slide down the door and bawl like a baby. Time is irrelevant to my pent up emotions and frustrations. Tears are endless and tremors are nonstop.

It isn't until my neighbour comes out to see what the noise is that I get enough strength to take out my key and let myself in.

I can make a mess of myself on my own time, but when other people are involved, especially strangers, I need to be a mature woman and suck it up.

Walking into the apartment I collapse onto the couch. And then my phone rings.

"Merry Christmas sweetheart!" Mom's voice chimes into my ear and I groan.

"It's midnight already?" The clock above my TV shows its five past midnight and I groan even louder.

"What's wrong with you? You love Christmas."

"I'm sorry I'm just not in the mood right now... I had a bad day earlier. Merry Christmas mom. I'll be over around eleven okay? Love you." I don't wait for her response I just hang up the phone.

I'll definitely get in trouble for that later. No matter what race no mom likes to be hung up on abruptly.

That's a big no-no.

Sighing I sink further into my couch and turn on the TV. I need the distraction. A Muppet's Christmas flashes onto the screen and I relax a little bit. I love Christmas movies.

When I was in Atlanta I'd have to force Jamal to sit still for a few hours so we could watch them. He'd mumble and complain about the recipes he could be creating in the time wasted but he'd still pull me into him so I could snuggle.

It's one of my favourite parts of Christmas. That and the music.

I LOVE THE MUSIC.

My eyes light up at the "It Feels like Christmas" scene and I find myself singing along. No matter how many variations of A Christmas Carol is made I enjoy every one of them. Especially the Muppets.

For the first time in months I genuinely feel happy. There's no pressure, no worries, no secrets or sexual urges. It's just me and my TV.

Me and the Muppets, and Michael Caine.

Me time.

I've been so focused on my problems with Jamal and Caden that I never got the chance to enjoy the holiday season. Work has been crazy busy too so there's that added stress as well. Any time I've had to myself was spent worrying and contemplating about my future. Not once have I gotten a chance to enjoy the now.

Glancing around my apartment I grimace.

The place is utterly bare.

Not one decoration in sight.