His Promise Land

Journal [2]

Ashley's POV

"Stop munching your Oreos, Ashley!" My mom scolded from the kitchen.

My hands continued their endless rotation of shoveling Oreos after Oreos to my mouth, not giving her my attention. I couldn't careless about the amount of Oreos I was stress eating right now. I just want to to lay down and over think about Jace's previous actions like all girls supposed to do.
What did he wanted to tell me?
God, how easy it is for him to turn me into a headless chicken with only a few words.
Said boy was sitting beside me and I was trying really hard not to fidget away, not because I was uncomfortable, but because I didn't want to make this little bubble of hope inside my chest to grow bigger.
I took my Oreos with me and took my butt to another couch, the one person couch. But still, it was a bit too big for only one person. Jace eyed me weirdly, barely holding his smile from turning to a full blown smirk.
"Why are you so far away from me?" He covered his mouth as he asked, holding his laughter in.
I just glared at him. How dare he he questioned my actions! I was fighting for the life and death of my heart here!
"Come on." His voice cooed, patting the couch next to him. I almost cave in from only a coo from him, imagine how whipped am I. Ugh. I shook my head, strengthening the anti-Jace barrier in my head.
"Uh-uh." I shook my head.
He stared at me, like he didn't know whether to drown me in the tub or give me chocolate, hoping the sweetness will distract me from his killer puppy dog eyes.
"Have it your way then." He said shortly.
I thought I was in trouble, that he was mad, but at least he won't be near me, right? I could finally breath, let my heart beat properly again for just awhile. I thought he was mad that I was acting childish. But boy was I wrong.
I lifted my knees up, folding it to my chest. Contented with just my Oreos for the rest of my lives. After all it will be only me and Oreos from now on anyway. For two years, minimum. Maybe longer.
But then my breath squeezed out from my body, I wheezed. "What the—"
Jace plopped down beside me, smothering me to the couch by his broad shoulders. He folded his arms across his chest, taking my breath away, literally— I couldn't breath. Was he trying to kill me or something? I couldn't believe this boy!
My eyes narrowed, "Why are you acting so childish?" I snapped. Standing up from the couch, but he won't let me, he pulled me back to him and because of that, my butt was on the couch, but the rest of my legs were on his lap.
I glared at him and tamped down my embarrassment.
"Look who's talking." He muttered.
I rolled my eyes at his persistent behavior, if he was like this might as well dig my own grave already. "Are you going to tell me why you're behaving like this?" He asked me, gaze steady.
I didn't answer, just took one of my stress food and was gonna bite one before the most annoying, persistent boy in the universe bite it off and munch it into his own mouth like a freaking Piranha with a human meat.
I gaped at him, scandalized. How dare he took my Oreos!
I tried not to let his actions get to my brain, or I was going to blush like a tomato. Now don't get me wrong, this kind of childish behavior was usual from him, to others he was this composed, gentleman but to me he was a big five year old.
my anti-Jace barrier was obviously crumbling down to ashes.
He chewed the Oreos thoughtfully, eyes never leaving mine. Vivid blue eyes searching mine for answers, almost daring me.
"Are you mental?" I asked him slowly. Well maybe he was, he was enlisting in an Army for god's sake!
"Nope, just hungry."
"We just had lunch." I pointed out.
"So?" He pouted, I was mistaken, he was a big three year old.
"So you're not supposed to be hungry or even remotely hungry for that matter!" I threw my hands in the air, desperate. Huffing in annoyance. This boy was too adorable for his own good, even when he was taking that piece of Oreo from my own hand. Well, mostly because of that. "You can't take an Oreo for me! You know how much I love my Oreos!" He should know that Oreos and I were inseparable.
He didn't say a word, just stared at me again for the thousand times today but this time I let him, too tired to argue. I have spent my energy building my heart a defense from him and his hotness and cuteness.
Jace stood up, pulling me from my mental jace prison. Almost making me face planted on the floor but he kept his arms around me so I didn't fall and stood with him instead. "Come on." He tugged my hand. Too eager to move.
I didn't budge, just looking at our intertwined hands, why the hell he was so tanned was all I could think of. Oh right, the sports kind of guy. Why the hell was I so pale, oh right, couch potato kind of girl. I kept muttering under my breath but he just tugged at my hand, "Come on." He whined again.
He was looking so adorable, pouting and frowning. Ugh, who was I kidding, he always looked out of this world beautiful in my eyes.
I was so desperate it wasn't funny anymore.
Why the hell was I crushing on my best friend again? Oh right... Because he was the most amazing person in my life? Hmm, must be because of that. I looked at the ceiling, silently asking my fate. God? Why me? Why you took away the most important person in my life? I can't function properly without being near him, I can't survive this cruel world without him. I can't do anything if he's not here.
My lips trembled as I imagined the day where he would be leaving as Jace practically dragged me to my room. My mind kept doing that, imagining the worse kind of possibilities that might happen to him. What if he never comes back? What ifs, my mind was so full of it.
He plopped down casually on my bed, grinning all the time as I stood in the middle room as stiff as a pole. Fists clenched and almost turning on the waterworks. As the day grew closer, it was getting harder and harder to stop the dam of longing and sadness in my heart from bursting.
Jace rummaged under the bed, pulling out his guitar that never left my house because he always played for me, never on his own. Even when he was practicing when we were seven, laughing and figuring out how it works together. Miraculously, he's the only one who can play as I was fine to just stare at his long strong fingers, strumming the instrument.
Memories flashed before my eyes of the endless hours we spend in my room just goofing around, playing and trying to learn together. From homework to crafts to music to reading— We do everything together.
Except this.
He's leaving me behind.
Jace saw the look on my face and looked away, "Please don't cry." His voice was so small, but it still carried to me because my ears are so tuned to his voice. He said that but his voice was cracking as well.
His sad small voice brought me back to those dark times when I cried for him. He wouldn't cry, his eyes would only be red, his mouth wobbly and quivering but still no tears would fall. So I'll cry for him.
His pain was my pain.
And this time, it hurts more than ever.
His voice couldn't even brought me from my miserable state. All I could hear was my blood rushing in my ears, feeling lightheaded, like all my limbs were frozen, void of energy. Lost in my horrible train of thoughts.
I was such a cry baby, he would be going into the army next week and all I do was sulk, cry, be pissed, sulk and cry again. I was so weak compared to him, like comparing an ant with a tiger. Maybe he went away because I didn't deserve him, that he was too good for me, it was a more likely answer for his stubbornness. He was all that perfect guy while I was just the girl next door with her nose stuck in cartoons and Oreos. Why would he stay with me when he could be exploring the world and harness his full potentials? Why would he stay?
I could only cry for him, I couldn't even fulfill my promise.
I didn't notice my nails digging into my palm as I continued to clench my fist tighter and tried to close myself from the world around me. I was going to succeed if wasn't for his voice.
He was strumming the guitar softly in front of me, his eyes closed while he sang my favorite song. I didn't even realize he had tugged my hand until I was seated on the bed with him.
The soft and rough edge of his voice was so heartbreaking, filled with so much pain, his pain —my pain— and yet it was so beautiful. His heart was breaking. Not mine. It was his heart that took the beating this time. I wasn't the only one who suffered.
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
His fingers halted a bit when he opened his eyes, because of shock. Seeing me with millions of teardrops running down my cheek. For the second time today, he caressed my face again, wiping the tears from my cheeks and eyes.
My breath caught, he let go and continued to sing, wanting to cheer me up somehow despite his own turmoil.
Jace was the one who was breaking, and yet I was the one who was being cheered.
Not again, Ashley. How weak you can be? Embarrassing. Aren't you ashamed to stand beside this beautiful boy?
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For the rest of time
The moment he put the guitar down, I was still crying. Harder, full on sobbing and sniffling. And a lot of unattractive hiccups. "I don't want you to go." I sobbed, my hands gripping his arms frustratingly like my life depended on it.
"What if you never come back?" Another heart wrenching sob came out from me, "What if you're injured? What then?"
All the thoughts I've been holding was pouring out like my tears. I was babbling. "Don't you ever think of what will happen to me if that happens? Do you think I still want to live if you're not here? If you're not breathing and standing alive on this earth? Huh? Do you?" I almost screamed at him.
My vision was blurry as I looked up at him, the one who I promised to protect, to be his shoulder to cry on, but I was the one who was being protected all this time. From the outside world. All this time, he was my leaning post. Not the other way around.
"I am supposed to protect you-" I hiccuped pathetically, gripping his shirt tighter. "But how can I do that when you're halfway around the world? When you're not even here?
"Who am I supposed to watch Sherlock marathon with? The White collar marathon? Who will accompany me, if it's not you? And what about who's going to be my piggyback ride?"
My throat was hoarse as I spoke, but it was nothing compared to the aching in my heart. It was like someone stabbed a knife through it. I was clinging desperately to him like he was my lifeline. But he was indeed, in more ways than I can count.
He didn't say anything, just curled his arms around my body and hugged me to his chest. Tucked securely, again, like he was hiding me from the rest of the world. Protecting me.
Jace always did that, he never cared about himself, only others around him. If you tell him you want the limited edition golden bread he will search the earth to find that golden bread, if you want a hug he will always be there for you even though his own heart was falling apart.
That was Jace. The most annoying, stupidest, kindest person in the world. My best friend.
"Shh." He rocked me back and forth, trying to calm me down. But it was a futile attempt, it only made me cry harder on his chest. Hugging him with all my might, when I still have the chance. Soon he won't be here for me to hug.
"Everything is going to be okay, Ash. I will be alright. I'm not going to die, I will always be here with you. I'm not going anywhere." His hand was running through my hair, petting me so I can calm down. "Please, don't worry, Ash. Don't worry-"
"We still have another week, Ash. To have fun, create more memories. Take more pictures. So you can remember me everyday. You won't even realize that I'm not here with you. Before you know it, I will be back, it won't be long at all. In no time I'll be back your side and pester you to eat your vegetables." He laughed, he actually laughed.
How could he be this strong?
"Don't worry." He whispered softly, hugging me tighter, almost crushing me to his chest.
The touch of his lips on my forehead was enough to bring me out from my sobbing mess. But not enough to stop the tears completely. "Don't worry." The tingling in my forehead was another sign of promise he made to me.
He repeated those words, over and over again. That I started to believe that it was true, that I have nothing to worry about.
We'll be alright.
"Promise me, this is the last day for us to cry. That the rest of my days only for us to have fun. Promise me that." He croaked, his eyes red but still, his tears refused to fall.
I nodded. "I promise." My lips trembled again. The last drops of my tears fell.
Please, give me strength to be happy for him, please. Please. Only for this remaining days. Let us create happy memories together, without another tears.
Please.