Camp Anderson

The Barbarian

Brian looks at him confused, and then responds, "Okay, fine. What is your condition?" As Stephanie and the gang conga past him, he makes a shooing motion.

"Fight me. Outside. Just a simple fist fight, and if I win, you let this whole thing up and stop bothering everyone, and we can all continue on with Jon and Ian's lovely camp," he says, "And if I lose, you can, um," and he smirks, "Do your worst."

Brian opens his mouth with an extreme confidence, and it seems he might agree to the deal, but multiple people give him disapproving looks, so instead he says, "No, I'd rather not get my hands dirty. How about I send Fripp as my champion?"

"WHAT?!" Robert screams, "There is no way in hell I'm fighting that guy! I'd rather not get a broken nose over this." He plunks himself down on a chair, and then whines, "Brian, I thought you might have actually cared about me," he fakes a sniffle, trying to act like a hurt lover, "But this-this just makes me think you could toss me to the side without second thought..."

Brian gets down on his knees and throws his arms around Robert's waist, "Oh, my love!" he exclaims, "I have been blinded by my desire for revenge... please forgive me."

Robert plants a kiss on Brian's forehead, and then cringes as he lifts his head from Brian's. "Of course, my dear, I forgive you. All of this has made me desire a glass of water, could you get it for me?"

"Oh, of course I can!" Brian responds as lightly as a feather. He stands up and says, "By the way, you are free, Keith. I still hate you, though, but that's only because I always have."

Keith snarls, "I can't stand you either."

As Brian leaves, Robert gets up and starts pacing about, "For goodness sakes! You owe me one, bitch!" he squeals, pointing to Lily. "I even kissed him so your darling dear wouldn't have to be sacrificed!"

She comes down and gives Robert a little hug, "Aw, well, I really appreciate it."

Keith looks at Robert slightly angered, "Did you really just call my girlfriend a bitch?"

Lily laughs and responds, "Shh, just ignore it, dear. He did us a big favor."

Kay looks over in slight confusion, "So, were you and Fripp in cahoots all along?"

"Oh, yeah, we were," Lily responds, "I figured that if Brian's affections could be redirected, and then make him long for said object of his affections, we would be all good!"

Robert sasses, "Now I've got to find a way to let him down easy, thanks, Lily."

"You kind of deserve it for working for Brian in the first place, though," she sasses back.

Robert stumbles over to a beanbag, "I don't deserve any of this shit, man. Bob, I hope you have a waterbed I can crash in."

Bob walks over, an aura of wisdom surrounding him, "Of course I do, my hairy friend."

Jimmy squeals, "What do I have? A stool? A cot perhaps? Pfff."

Tom Petty says, "My friends, I think you're all being quite petty about our amenities..."

Half of the people there turn around and demand, "Who are you?!"

"Oh, Thomas Earl Petty at your service," he says with a confident smile, putting his arm around his girlfriend, Kay, "Tom Petty of Mudcrutch fame, that is." [technically, this story is in 1973, so he wasn't with the Heartbreakers yet]

"So a man with the last name of Petty is commenting on our pettiness? There is an irony in there somewhere," Grace says as she writhes over to investigate Tom closer, "I think he looks like a good egg, though."

Brian comes back in the room with the glass of water, and he coos to his dearly beloved, "I have your water, my love!" and then he hands over the glass, "Now, I must know, will you marry me?"

Finally, Robert just busts out laughing, "HA!! No way in hell am I going to marry-," and then he looks over to see the disapproving faces of nearly everyone here, except for Judy, who pulls a pizza out of Bob's big fridge and begins to excitedly eat. "I don't think we are to that point yet..."

"TOO LATE!!" Brian screams, "ALAS, MY LOVE IS DEAD TO ME! I MUST SEEK OUT HAPPINESS ELSEWHERE! ADO TO YOU ALL!!" He scurries out through the window, and just like that, Brian is gone.

"Well, that was simple!" Lily enthuses, with a little sigh, "And that's how you get rid of your creepy ex, I suppose."

Robert sasses, "Simple for you, maybe. I was worried I was going to end up making sweet, passionate love to him tonight..."

"Oh, don't worry, if you were actually dating him, you would have never had to worry about that, he only screws random women and groupies," she smirks. "I would know."

Elisa pats her on the back, "Well, I suppose that kind of sucked. But, hey, he's gone now!"

Finally, I finish cowering from big Chris's loving arms. "HOORAY!!" I squeal, "There is peace in the camp."

Carl shouts, "Let's celebrate with my VEGAN ICE CREAM!!"

Almost everyone shouts, "NOOOO!" except for Judy, who decides to actually go off and get the ice cream with Carl. David Gilmour goes too, as he and Carl have been madly in love, apparently...

Roger scoffs, "Leave it to Gilmour to eat dumbass vegan ice cream just for some boy he likes..."

"Shh," Jane hushes, "It's very sweet that they are so affectionate!"

Katherine squeals, "HEY! Where's Sara? We need her for these things, ya know?"

Sara scuttles in, mountains of cupcakes in her hands, "I'm here for y'all!" She hands everyone a cupcake, and when Keith Moon comes up, she happily gives him two plus a pat on the head.

Kay awkwardly asks me, "So, um, I'm not actually sure where I'm sleeping tonight, with David having run off with Carl and all..."

Lily comes over and says, "You and Tom can stay with Keith and I. Carl is off with Gilmour, probably, and Greg said he is going to be staying here."

"Oh, thanks," Kay says, going off to enjoy her cupcakes with Tom.

Finally, it seems everything is calm at Camp Anderson.

All I have to do now is relax and enjoy my time in nature and....

What the heck.

Keith Moon is on the ceiling.