Escaping Love

Chapter 9: Complications Going Up

~ Jackie's POV ~

"Hey. You okay?" Amber asked as she walked up to me.

"...What? Oh... Yeah." I said, shaking off my thoughts. I had trouble sleeping last night.

"You look dead and tired." Amber said. "You don't want to be here today." She finished and I just nodded.

"This...um... Break-up plan is like killing me slowly... Like it's half working, half not."

"What do you mean half working, half not?" Amber asked and I looked up at her.

"Okay... So after she texted me yesterday for lunch, we met up and also planned to head to her place after school to work on homework... I met her friend Emma from chemistry, who was also her lab partner. She asked a few questions about us and our relationship. It brought back good memories. I then started getting doubts, she admitted everything and told me to blow up on her and I did. Then I made the mistake of kissing her and sleeping with her... After throwing out my anger. But I didn't stay the night. I left a note that hopefully gave us some decent space so I can think, then I went home. Now I'm sitting here and I don't know what's going on in my brain." I said.

"This plan was to drift you two apart. Not sleep with her, leave a note and be all wondering and questioning about what the hell you just did..." Amber said. "This was suppose to slowly pull you two apart, not rip the bandage and make things awkward and weird, Jackie."

"I know."

"Well... I feel like you don't. You two had an argument, then turned into something like a one night stand type of relationship. You yelled at her, then kissed her, probably fucked the living daylight out of her and then waited till she fell asleep and left, with only a note of your existence. You're not wrong that it gave you two distance, but really?"

"Oh, you expect me to control myself?" I asked.

"Yes!" Amber said, a bit too loudly and we got some awkward looks from a few students and teachers walking by.

I sighed, "Well... I'm sorry okay? Sorry I couldn't control the anger and the sex drive I had for her at the moment. It was hard to still imagine her sleeping with someone else. I was upset at that time when I found out. It meant that I didn't completely claim her."

"Jackie, her going and kissing someone else, more than once, and the same person for both those times, means she's been using you, to get the experience of being with a girl or fucking one for goodness sakes. She says she loves you but does she really?" Amber admitted. "Even if you claimed her completely and she did that, means it wasn't your fault or anything, you were just committing in a relationship and she decided to just use you like... Like..." She paused trying to think of the right word.

"Like a toy?" I said.

"Yes... Wait, no! I would never say that." She said with a bit of disgust in her voice.

"Well I kind of expressed it in those terms last night when I was yelling at her."

She sighed, "Of course that's what you would refer to it... To me, she used you like you're her experience step, she said that you were her first girl experience so it's like she's just testing you, testing the waters, she's not committed, she just says she is to get what she wants... Which is clever but also risky. But I would be very surprised if she's actually true to her words."

I sighed, "I should probably talk to Charlotte about this."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Amber said. "Charlotte would probably get pissed about it."