Fast: joshler

don't you like it when we kiss?

I should tell Tyler how i feel,

He'll just take it the wrong way,

I think he'll understand,

How can he understand something.
that's not normal,

It's not that crazy,

To you, he's not wired,

He loves me.

He'll leave you.

   I feel like I'm the only one that ever has conversations like that with themselves. I don't think that my feelings are that crazy or far off, but i also feel like i only think that because I'm wired. I wonder what Tyler would think if he knew how wired i really am. Tyler is my boyfriend, we've bin dating for 9 months, one more week and it'll be 10 months. I think he's great, he treats me so sweet and nicely, i love him. He always knows how to make me happy even on shitty days, he play's me songs on his Ukulele and he sing's really lovely, i love it when he sings to me because his voice is like a comforting blanket that keeps the outside vibes out. It's soothing.
His voice can heat a cold room up or it can cool a hot room down.
When he sings its as if his words go straight to your brain, his words are like knives that carve thru all your thoughts. His words force you to think.

   I love him and he's told me countless times that he loves me, but a part of me thinks that he's too good for me. I'm the creepy art kid that has wired hair and plugs, the one that wares the same black jumper every day. Tyler is cool, he's the captain of the basketball team and he has lots of cool friends. He even drives when his Dad lets him use the car. I just don't understand why he would like me. He says that I'm funny and cute, and that i always say interesting thing's that make him think. He says that i make him happy, he makes me happy too. I'm happy so why can't i just be happy?

  When I'm with Tyler I'm happy, i feel loved and we always have a good time hanging out, playing video games, playing music, going for walks, driving down across the forest rodes. I just get nervous when he starts to touch me, like last week we were hanging out in my room laying down and listing to music while talking and he just kissed me, we had kissed before on the lips and cheek but this kiss went on, he licked my lips and soon we were making out. It felt so good but he pulled away not long after he kissed me. He pulled away because my hands were shaking, i wasn't sure what to do with them. He asked me if i was okay and all i could do was nodd my head.

"Don't you like it when we kiss?"

I couldn't even answer him, i was too embarrassed. We ended up just cuddling for the rest of the day, i couldn't bring myself to look at him without blushing. I felt like such a dork. Another time we were hugging and he squeezed my ass, I squeaked a little and blushed like tomato. He said sorry and i just hid my face in his chest.
I love Tyler i really do, i know that we've bin dating for a good amount of time and that i can trust him. I just feel so nervous and insecure, what if i let him kiss me and we start to do stuff and he gets me naked and doesn't like what he sees? What if he changes his mind half way? What if i freak out?
How would he take it if i asked him to take it slow even after we've bin taking it slow?
  
   I don't want to hurt his feelings, i don't want him to think i don't love him just because I'm shy. I feel bad that i don't know how to give him what he wants, i wish i wasn't such a god damn virgin.

    I'm gonna go see Tyler rite now actually, it's Saturday and on Saturdays we have sleepovers but I'm nervous. I feel butterflies in my stomach that don't know which way they're going. I want to do stuff like that, I'm 17 of course i want to. I'm just shy i guess, I've dated before but I've never liked someone as much as i like Tyler and no one ever really tried to kiss me the way Tyler had. I probably wouldn't let them anyways.

°°°

   I took a quick shower and started to pack my weekend bag for Tyler's house. I packed my tooth brush, my phone charger, Clean clothes and my Pj's even though i have a good amount of clothes there. My PJs were just a short pair of boxers and a black sweatshirt since i don't sleep in my jumper. I'm waring my convers, black pants that are only slightly ripped, and my black jumper. Basically my everyday outfit.
My hair was kinda messy so i just fixed it as much as i could before Tyler got here to pick me up. I waited down stairs with my bag on the couch by the door. My mom and dad both work till five but they know that I'm leaving to Tylers. My parents are both very fond of Tyler. He played "they're song" on his ukulele for them so since then they've loved him, they were also okay with it because i dont date much, i guess they don't want me to die alone.

   I heard Tyler's car outside and i knew i was smiling before i was even smiling. I locked the door to my house and then went to Tyler's car. He was waiting there with an arm out the window, he had on sunglasses and a Gray shirt, he was smiling at me. I got in the passenger seat and smiled at him

"Hi Ty"

" Hi joshie, how's your day bin?"

"It's been good so far, i mostly drew but nothing too exciting, What about you?"

"I didn't do much either, i had to wash the car before my Dad would let me use it but it's not like it was that dirty."

He pulled out my drive way and ran a hand threw his hair, his hair was short but curly. It was perfect just like the rest of him.

The rest of the drive was filled with small stupid inside jokes and the songs on the radio. Tyler only lived 10 minutes away so it wasn't a mission or nothing. When we got inside i was met with that comforting feeling, this was basically my second home. I went up to Tylers room and put my things in there normal spot by the bed. I felt a warm arm wrap around my waist. It was so out of no where that i flinched a little.

"It's just me Joshie"

I turned to look at Tyler. I smiled and gave the other a hug. I figured he wanted a hug. My arm's wraped around his neck and his arms around my waist. I loved it when we hugged because i always felt safe. We were still standing next to my things on the floor by his bed, I felt Tylers hands moving on my waist. He rubbed my hips gently in circles, i bit at my lip and kept my arms around his neck. I knew if he looked at me that he would see me blushing. His hands moved from my hips to my ass, i bit down on my lip and hid my face against Tyler's chest. He only held my ass, he gave it a small squeeze but nothing too much. I knew my arms were shaking but i didn't know what to do. He pulled away and kissed my cheek. I smield nervously and went to go sit on his bed while he went to go do something. I pulled out my phone and i had planed to act like nothing happened-

"Josh let's talk"

Haha let me know if you like this cause i thrive off attention
I alredy have the next chapter writen so ill publish that part maybe later on today or tomorrow
Love ya