Forgetting Billions | ✓

01 | Forgetting Secrets

Everyone except Shayan Khan, but he hadn't spoken to her since he left.

Jasmine forcibly snapped out of her thoughts with a physical shake of her head. Her darkening eyes met the woman's. "Why are you making me do this?"

"I'm not making you do anything. If I'm being frank, the people paying for these sessions are. I don't blame your parents, though. You were diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder just over a week ago. It's normal that they'd want to see you heal and you're smart enough to know that the first step is to talk to me."

"What do you want me to say, then?" she pressed, conflicted over whether she should remain her distance or surrender in hopes of attaining a healthier state of mind.

The woman in front of her cocked her head to the side. "Anything you'd like. If you feel that talking about your current life is easier, then we can start from there and work our way backward."

Jasmine fell silent again, her eyes averted to the ground and her fingers set in her lap. She didn't want to talk about herself, not when it was a stepping stone to talking about the shooting.

"I don't want to prolong this," she whispered. "If we need to discuss Rahul, then I'll have to stop acting like a child and do it."

"That's very mature of you, Jasmine." The doctor nodded, nonverbally letting her know that she could start whenever she was comfortable.

"I'm not sure of where you'd like me to begin, but I need to say this one thing," she said, ignoring the waves of fear crashing into her every nerve. "I always had a perfect relationship with my Uncle Rahul, better than what I had with own father. I think that was a mistake, loving him the way I did."

"Why is that?" she asked, her notepad forgotten on the desk beside her.

Jasmine inhaled as if the flow of oxygen would stabilize her quivering lips and the erratic beating of her heart. "Well, I asked him to bring me a stuffed animal on the day of the shooting. I knew my mother and father would never leave work to deliver a toy, but Rahul? He'd swim across oceans if I asked him to." She hung her head. "I took advantage of his love."

Her psychiatrist released a whoosh of air from her lips when she heard Jasmine's final sentence. "You can't blame yourself for your uncle's death. He was killed by a masked gunman. That wasn't you."

She wiped at her eyes, unsurprised when she felt no moisture on her fingertips. She had run out of tears years ago. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"That's okay. You've done quite a lot for the day." her lips curled into a thin smile. "The only thing I'd like to say before we move on is that you can't continue to live with the burden of your uncle's murder on your heart. You need someone to help you comes to term with his death, with the deaths of the seventeen others in the elementary school that day. That doesn't have to be me, but if it isn't, you'll need to find someone else once the hour is over."

Jasmine rubbed her face with her open palms, restraining herself from digging her nails into her skin. "I had someone. I'm sure my mother told you about my best friend."

"She did, but that was all she said."

"His name was Shayan Khan. He witnessed the shooting with me. He was the reason I never completely fell apart and now, he's gone." Jasmine felt like she was going to cry again and cursed herself for allowing this stranger to see her at her weakest. "I don't think I'll ever be able to open up to someone the way I did to him."

"You have to try," she responded. "You can't let your mental illness define you, Jasmine."

"It's not an illness. It's just another way to make my life difficult."